Let’s have your ideas for Labour’s Queens speech.

The government is planning its Queens Speech programme of new legislation, to be announced on 3rd December at the State Opening.

I would welcome suggestions of authentic Labour legislation that the government might like to consider.

I have one suggestion which might be in the mood of their times.

A Bill to promote Childrens happiness.

The Bill would set a target that 90% of all children should be happy by 2050, with an intermediate target of 70% by 2020.
The Bill would impose a general duty on adults to consider childrens happiness in all their actions.
It would establish a National Childrens Happiness Council to police the targets and to advise the government on the regulations under the legislation.The Council would help draw up the happiness questionaires, lay down guidance on best practice to schools and parents and construct a system of box ticking audit to ensure compliance.
Enforcement would be through the National Childrens Happiness Enforcement Agency, who would appoint Childrens Happiness officers for each principal Council area in the country. They would have a duty to liaise with 5 a day officers and others involved in managing childrens lifestyles.
Both Agencies would have substantial budgets to allow regular surveys to be conducted to check on how happy children are. The Inspectorate would have powers to go into schools and family homes, to check on a sample basis that all involved with the care of children are meeting the required standards.


  1. newmania
    October 31, 2008

    An excellent suggestion which chimes well with my long held belief that Gordon Brown`s crapulous and incompetently delivered tax credits wheeze, together his comedy quick change into Keynesian garb, qualifies him as the foremost clown of our generation.
    This would be clearer if he spewed out his gobbledygook in say a West country accent , somehow an odd accent and bizarre personal ticks seem to lend a momentary plausibility which is itself a wonderful comedic device ( See Ali G )..

    Hey why stop at children , I feel happier already. ,JR For Chancellor Booom shabba ay !

  2. Kit
    October 31, 2008

    Nationalize the Tooth Fairy and set minimum tooth rates, MTR, as the current postcode/pillow lottery in totally unacceptable. The current collection system is highly inefficient and has a high carbon fairy-footprint so teeth will be delivered to GCHQ for processing. Payments will be made via the Fairy Tax Credit system.

  3. Neil Craig
    October 31, 2008

    Certainly the use of children as an excuse for every sort of increase in government powers is pernicious.

    "Those who would sacrifice Liberty for Security deserve neither." – Benjamin Franklin & it does not become more moral if it is done using children as a moral human shield.

    There is reason to believe that the massive increase in asthma in children is because they are being protected from the real environment & thus their immune systems don't develop.

  4. Henry Crun
    October 31, 2008

    How about setting a eugenics target – by selective breeding and use of DNA profiling there will be no obese people in Great Britain by 2050. Anyone showing signs of obesity will immediately be subject to strict food rationing and three weeks at the Gillian McKeith Food Police Institute.

    All immigrants, legal and illegal, will be made British subjects and issued with a British passport on entry into the UK thereby making good on Gordon's promise of "British jobs for British workers".

  5. adam
    October 31, 2008

    You are not far off John. The left is promoting something called
    Happiness Economics. Go to the New Economics Foundation to find out more.

  6. APL
    October 31, 2008

    JR: "A Bill to promote Childrens happiness. "

    What on earth do you think the Childrens commissioners are then?

    You can't parody this government.

  7. not an economist
    October 31, 2008

    The introduction of a legal requirement for ID cards to be presented when using public lavatories. This would ensure that the ID of all users of said establishments are bona fide, tax paying British Citizens (or Asylum Seekers – whichever).

    An obvious benefit would be facilitating the tracking of vandals. But in addition this ties in with the govts healthy eating agenda in that the samples left behind by each user could be examined for traces of fast food (trackable back to the user by tying up DNA in the sample with the biometric data contained on the ID card). Where traces of fast food are found the user could be fined after having been publicly humilated on tv programmes like "You Are What You Eat". This scheme would be funded by the massive savings that would be generated on the NHS budget as obesity levels and the related diseases are cut to zero at a stroke.

    A mere tweaking of the programming involved could mean that socially undesirable groups (like bankers, oil company executives) could be refused entry to public toilets, thereby punishing them for their misdemeanors/"crimes".

  8. Ken Adams
    October 31, 2008

    Repeal the 1972 Act of accession to the European Union so that the government of the day would have the power to run the country without having to consider the EU and the British parliament would once again have a controlling influence in 100% of British Laws.

    Oh! I forgot none of our major political parties want that sort of responsibility and none of the leaders want to actually allow a stronger voice for the people or those we elect.

  9. David morris
    October 31, 2008

    A truthful Queen's Speech for this Labour government's direction and aspirations would simply consist of 5 words;
    "Big Brother is watching you"

  10. DiscoveredJoys
    October 31, 2008

    Honestly, it is almost impossible to parody Nu Labour any better than than they already do for themselves! However…

    A Bill to be passed which confers Diplomatic Immunity on all Government Ministers, Senior Council Directors, and Quango Chairmen. Obviously these people are so important, and their time is so valued, that they should not be constrained by the laws which apply to ordinary people.

    The new DI class will be able to park their chauffered cars anywhere they like (including spaces set aside for the disabled), use bus lanes, and exceed speed limits without penalty. Planning laws will not apply to their residences, and tax returns may be ignored with impunity. Should they drink excessively or be involved in ugly street violence, the Police will be obliged to see them safely home.

    In the chilling Newspeak of our times this will be branded as 'Improving the effectiveness of those dedicated to Public Service'.

  11. mikestallard
    October 31, 2008

    I am going to leave my suggestion to Acorn, whose excellent License for selling chips put all other efforts in the shade!

  12. StevenL
    October 31, 2008

    The Privacy of Communications (Database) Bill

    The Collective Investment Schemes and Short Selling (Scapegoating) Bill

    The Treasury Emergency Powers (Scorched Earth) Bill

    The Local Government Standards (Restriction of Tory Councillors Powers) Bill

    The Miscellaneous Local Government Provisons (Hikes in Local Taxation) Bill

  13. Adrian Peirson
    October 31, 2008

    It's not funny, we spend £100 Billion on Quangos, £20 Billion Net to the €U Gravy Train, where 80% of its Budget is unnacounted for.
    We are involved in Two Wars, illegally in many peoples view.
    We Borrow and Repay around £100 Billion to the International Moneylenders ( Banks ) through the Issue of Gilts, when Great Britain should simply Issue, with due deflationary caution the Money we need.
    No Loans and No Interest to pay to the International Moneylenders.

    And we could save Sterling by Backing it with Gold that Brown says is of no further use.

    This would save £200 Billion Per annum, divide that by 20 Million homes saves each household £200B / 20M = £10,000 Per family per year.
    In that way, Both parents might be able to afford to spend more time with their children rather than being forced that Both Parents now have to work.

    That's how I'd improve childrens lives.

    Oh and I'd take Programmes like Big Brother and the Jeremy Kyle show of the air.

    What happens if you repeatedly tell a child that he / she is bad, Naughty, eventually, the child sees himself that way and it becomes a self fulfilling Prophecy.
    There are no Programmes on which seem to Build the British People up in terms of our History, Culture, Heritage, Tradition.

    It's almost as if the Mass Media and Govt, conspire to set us up so we can be Demonised, or is that just my imagination.

  14. Stuart Fairney
    November 1, 2008

    What about a bill making defence ministers personally responsible for soldiers' deaths if equipment is inadeqate such as was reported today.

    If SAS commanders start to complain, then the issue is very, very serious as these men are highly competent and clearly not ones to make frivolous points. But I fear:

    soldiers deaths 4 – ministerial casualties 0

    Utterly shameful.

  15. Acorn
    November 1, 2008

    The wife says, "stop writing things like the chip licence, you will only be giving them ideas. It's just the sort of crack-pot idea they will jump at".

    So, I would like to get your reaction to an idea I blogged recently.

    That is, separating the UK "Legislature" from the "Executive". Cabinet members will be appointed by a separately elected Prime Minister, they can not be elected members of Parliament. The Cabinet will serve at the Prime Ministers pleasure; when he goes, they go. The Monarch remains chairman of the board; head of state.

    The Commons will be the elected legislators – not sure what role the Lords will play, if any if not wholly elected (a Senate???). Commons select committees will have increased powers to create / dissolve / executively manage Quangos and similar agencies of government. The commons will approve all cabinet legislation or seek to modify it. The PM will have some power of veto.

    This is just an outline of my thinking. It may make MPs worth voting for again to a house of commons that may actually be able to change things, rather than just talk about them.

    We could reflect this framework down to incorporate Local Government; local elected executive Mayors and appointed cabinets; and the equivalent local house of commons.

    Yes this is a simplified version of the "West Wing"; it does work quite well in the US, particularly at State and Local level, (think "localism" agenda).

    What do you think?

    Good article on Wiki, check the "see also; cabinet" on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federal_government_o

    Reply: I certainly think we need a Parliament with a purpose which meets more often. Your idea is one way of trying to get there. There are others.

  16. mikestallard
    November 1, 2008

    I was going to do an Acorn on the Queen's speech, but thought better of it.
    It was going to start with the words: "My government's main objective in the coming session of parliament is to get re-elected by any means possible….."

  17. Sam Armstrong
    November 1, 2008

    Perhaps the dismantling of multiculturalism, the re-establishment of a majority set of values and an end to ghettos, separation and parallel legal systems.

    And while they're at it, perhaps they could stop using Section 44 to harass perfectly decent taxpaying citizens.

  18. Phil Randome
    November 18, 2008

    I propose a Bill which would offer an amnesty to those who will refuse to participate in the 2011 census whilst Lockheed Martin are the chief agency for this undertaking.
    No amount of government reassurance will convince sceptics like me that the information given in the census will not be uploaded to FBI & CIA databases that the "Septics" are covertly compiling.

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