I told you so. I always knew the Conco offer to cut the deficit and stop borrowing and printing so much would not take off. The latest news of the polling for the Board elections is wonderful for your Board and for Uk PLC.
We have been thinking about how we can reinforce our offer and consolidate our position in the marketplace. Some favour introducing a GOF GAF. It’s a bit like a BOGOF (Buy One Get One Free) only more generous – Get One Free, Get Another Free. Why bother wasting time and money collecting cash from people for the first one, when we could simply give away two for the price of none? It should be knock out popular.
Others say let’s just helicopter in some cash and drop it over the most deserving parts of the country which will be participating sensibly in the UK wide Board elections. It would show off our never knowingly underborrowed, never knowingly underspent strategy so well. That should have them waving all the way to the state owned bank. It will get things moving again.
I think I prefer the third idea we have been working up. These first two ideas are a bit too flashy and could give us a bad name. We will simply announce lots of extra UK PLC jobs, of interest to supporters of our general approach. We need some more Networkers, Co-ordinators, Cross cutting policy Specialists, Deputy chief Executives of departments and quangos, Senior and Junior Spin doctors, Media handling specialists, Message honers, Press release and Glossy brochure authors, web monitors and web interveners. Come to think of it, I could do with a few more people to help liven up these letters to Shareholders whilst I am about it. Meanwhile let’s have a national competition for a new slogan. Send in your ideas beginning “UK PLC is right to borrow more because…..”
Rest assured, one way or another, we will go to new records on spending and borrowing. We will see you through tough times. We will print what it takes. We will never be underspent.
Yours enjoying every minute of all this money