I have been a bit busy preparing for the Board elections. I did run rings round our competitor Conco by keeping them waiting before letting everyone know when the polls are going to be. When I heard that Conco’s CEO was planning to fly everywhere I came up with the great idea of telling everyone there was some ash flying around which meant all planes had to be grounded. They all bought the idea, even though there was nothing to see or smell as you gazed skywards. What a move! It had the added advantage of keeping more people in the country so they could watch me last night when I won the debate against those who want to take over UK PLC. (No – that’s just my little joke – it was a real problem which we tackled manfully as you would expect us to. )
In case you hadn’t noticed, I just wanted to point out that I have been following a poison pill defence against predators for our great company in the last couple of years. That’s one of the reasons we have been signing up so many future costs and liabilities,why we bought the bank shares and why we decided to go for broke on the borrowings. Now I’ve got the printing presses fixed, it’s all fine of course. If we by any chance win the Board elections we can just dust them down again and print our way out of trouble.
Did you see me last night? It was a great show, don’t you think? How could anyone want a different CEO. I have got better at smiling, as well as knowing how to spend, borrow and waste on an unprecedented scale.
You must realise that Conco wouldn’t have as many of you on the payroll or be as understanding as we are when you need a duvet day or three. It’s a breeze when it’s all on tick. Can’t see why you would want to stop it. We can always invite more employees in to help do what work does have to be done.
Those who say we will end up like Greece don’t get it. They don’t have their own printing presses any more, now they are in the Euro. I am so glad I kept our previous CEO away from joining up, as it would be sackcloth and ashes for us too now if we had. Instead it’s just ashes in the clouds for us , which keeps the competitors on the ground.
Come to think of it, I can’t see how we can lose. So spend and be merry – there’s only a few more days to go before your Board gets what they want. Then they might not be in such a good mood over spending.
Promoted by Christine Hill on behalf of John Redwood, both of 30 Rose Street Wokingham RG40 1XU