What will Ed and Dave want for Christmas (Part 2 of Christmas present?)

Ed arrived just as Nick was being shown the door by Santa’s helpers. They exchanged a nervous hello as Ed checked to make sure he was next.

In the grotto Ed said:

“Thanks for seeing me today Santa. I have had a rough few weeks, what with a difficult visit to Scotland and then that photo of all those English flags. I just want you to know we are a good lot really, and just want to get back into power so we can make everything just right again with some proper public spending. So my present is not really for me, it’s for the public. You see I would like my Christmas present this year to be having a go as Prime Minister. Can you fix it for me?”

Santa looked grave. He replied:

“I do not fix things for people. That idea came to a sticky end. I have to decide what presents to bring people. They can ask me for their favourites, but it is not always right or possible to give them what they want. I don’t suppose you will be the only one this Christmas who wants to be Prime Minister. I’m not saying it is impossible, but it’s not going to be easy. It would help me if you would ask for a more realistic present which I could give.”

Ed stumbled: “Well let’s say Dave wants to be it again, is it fair that he should have two goes when I don’t get one? You see they will get rid of me if I don’t get the PM job”

“Well” said Santa ” you have been lucky so far. Not so long ago you asked for the same Christmas present as your brother, to be Leader of the Labour party, and I gave it to you. Just last year you privately told me the absolute must for your Christmas was to have a No vote in Scotland, which you got. I can tell you I upset some others who wanted the opposite in their stockings. You can’t expect to win the best present every year. Now you tell me you are ready to be Prime Minister and want to spend some more money, yet you are also telling everyone you will get the deficit down. I don’t see how that works. Your tax rises will bring in peanuts at best and may even lose you revenue.  So I say, go home and think again. If there is something else less contentious you want then drop me a line.”

A little while after Ed had left the Prime Minister turned up. “I’m not late, Santa, am I” asked Dave. Before he got an answer he went on “You see there was another of these dreadful meetings about Europe which just went on and on and I wasn’t allowed to leave. I did tell Mrs Merkel it was important to be here with you, but she seemed to think EU regulations on derivatives were more important. I did tell her that all this banging on about Europe is not a good idea, but she keeps doing it and sending me the bills.”

He flowed on perfectly with Santa speechless. “What I want for Christmas Santa is the continued delivery of my long term economic plan. More jobs, more growth, you know what George is up to. It’s all clever stuff. . That means I just have to be PM for a bit longer – nothing personal, difficult job, gets in the way of the family a bit. I’m sure you will see it’s a simple choice, and I am afraid it just has to be me again just to get us to the sunlit uplands”

Santa decided he did not need more explanation of the long term economic plan. He interrupted and said:
“I have given you your preferred present every year for the last five years. You have been Prime Minister. You have kept a coalition going. You got your econo0mic recovery and all those jobs you insisted on.  Your critics did not want those you know. You have seen off challengers for your job. Last year you asked to win the referendum on Scotland which I gave you. Fortunately more than one of you wanted that, so it was a present which helped several. This year you are asking for something others also want but only one can have. That’s  not easy for me.  Isn’t there something else you would rather be sure of having? How about a really good international job on a much bigger salary?”

“No” said Dave, “that won’t do I’m afraid. I’ve made them all a promise. I don’t think they could manage without me yet. I never like to let people down”

“Well I am pleased to hear that” said Santa. “When are you planning to get immigration down to tens of thousands?  How’s the deficit coming along? I’ve  had a very difficult day. I will let you  know later what I propose to do”

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56 Comments

  1. Lifelogic
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 7:17 am | Permalink

    “I never like to let people down” Yeah sure Dave you threw the last election with your EU ratting and lefty agenda and then followed that by endless further ratting. What Dave really needs some credibility, but after doing the opposite of what he promised for four and half years no one can give him that. Only a UKIP deal could give him that. There is nothing to lose in this as in much of the North the Tories have no chance anyway.

    The country is crying out for a UKIP/real Tory wing government, cheaper energy, a far smaller state, lower taxes, selective immigration, no EU beyond free trade, no green crap – but he still seems determined to throw another election.

    Cameron above all needs a working compass, to become numerate and get a grasp of science rather endless than PR dishonesty and duff lefty economics. Or he can stick to his PR but get some one sensible (JR perhaps) to set a policy direction and give credibility.

    He can still win despite his best efforts so far. He is lucky Miliband and Balls are so hopeless but then he did even lose to the hapless Gordon Brown.

    Miliband clearly just needs a magic money tree then his mad policies could actually work.

    • Lifelogic
      Posted December 8, 2014 at 9:01 am | Permalink

      I meant “only a UKIP deal could give THE TORY PARTY that”. Cameron can clearly never have his credibility restored in the eyes of sensible voters. You can only say one thing and do the complete opposite so often.

      Four and half years or endless ratting and broken compass pushes it way too far.

      • Richard1
        Posted December 8, 2014 at 9:56 am | Permalink

        A global deal with UKIP would never work, it would split the party. The best option is tactic encouragement to tactical voting. I assume UKIP will have the sense not to field candidates eg in Wokingham. Bear in mind that in a recent survey the majority of Conservative voters would rather have a Conservative coalition with the Green Party than with UKIP! I assume this means people don’t know what the Green Party stands for, but even so.

        • Lifelogic
          Posted December 8, 2014 at 4:30 pm | Permalink

          Clearly we need tactical voting on a huge scale. Otherwise we will have to suffer Miliband or an unencumbered EUphile, socialist, green crap, bloated state, fake equality, over regulate, ratting and endless tax increasing Cameron again.

          Tories and UKIP voters should surely vote for the stop labour or occasionally the Libdum candidate. Other than in Ken Clark type areas where anyone is probably preferable anyway even a green.

      • acorn
        Posted December 8, 2014 at 5:59 pm | Permalink

        ADMIN. JR is the posted time at the top of each comment the actual time you received it? Example: “Posted December 8, 2014 at 9:01 am”. We are devising a betting game (money involved), on the number of, and time of, particular posts to this site.

        Reply No idea

        • Lifelogic
          Posted December 8, 2014 at 8:30 pm | Permalink

          Look like it to me.

  2. Lifelogic
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 7:54 am | Permalink

    Mr Cameron is to argue that maths, science and technology are the key skills for a modern globalised economy – as reported today – perhaps we could start with MPs and Ministers who (apart from Peter Lilley and a tiny handful of others) seem to have no grasp of science what so ever nor even simple sums. Nor simple concepts such as government debt levels and the increase (or even occasional decrease) in these debt levels.

    They might also stop the teaching of exaggerated global warming science and duff magic money tree economics in school, universities and the BBC.

    I would also tend to stop all the soft student loans for the very many hobby, quack and often rather worthless courses run at so many of our Universities. Perhaps start with Oxford PPE which has done such huge damage, though Cambridge Archaeology and Anthropology seems to have not done much for Nick Clegg’s grasp of reality either.

    If people cannot get A*s in the current dumbed down Further Maths and Physics A levels, then I am not sure I would want many of them making many decision on anything serious.

    • Lifelogic
      Posted December 8, 2014 at 9:14 am | Permalink

      As an example if people cannot explain/understand why the observation of average bus occupancy by bus passengers is higher than the real average occupancy as measured by a driver/conductor then they should not really be making important decisions on anything very much. Or as a parallel why measuring average speeds from cars passing a motorway bridge give the wrong average speed.

      The whole bus good/car is bad green crap “BBC think” is largely based on this basic misunderstanding.

      Then again many on the left think you should pay people (from the magic money tree) to dig holes and fill them in again or bury bottles full of money for people to mine later. This as sensible economic policy or even that government green crap “creates” jobs!

      • Hope
        Posted December 8, 2014 at 11:07 am | Permalink

        Imagine if ther were not student loans the UK would be educating ALL of Europe for free. EU students pay the same as host country students. As it is, the UK only provides FREE university education to EU students at Scottish universities. This will continue with Cameron’s further devolvement to Scotland. I am convinced despite his expensive education he is unable to add up alternatively he has no regard for the UK taxpayer whatsoever and enjoys wasting our money. Santa, send him to Russia where he can be part of the socialist political construct that he craves so much.

        • Lifelogic
          Posted December 8, 2014 at 4:32 pm | Permalink

          Indeed but in the UK it is estimated that less that 50% of the student loan debt will be repaid. Doubtless it will not be worth chasing most of the EU student borrowers who default.

          • Hope
            Posted December 8, 2014 at 6:25 pm | Permalink

            Some of the unpaid bills are EU students who realise that the UK does not have the capability to trace them back in their country, despite EAW nonsense. Also do not forget Scottish MPs supports Blair to being tuition fees in England when they provide free tuition to their countrymen and EU students on the back of the England taxpayers. Where are we now with Cameron’s Enlgish votes for Englaish laws, I thought this was being introduced in tandem for devolved powers to Scotland or has this now died a death?

            Reply English votes – White Paper December, vote on it January I am told.

          • Lifelogic
            Posted December 8, 2014 at 8:37 pm | Permalink

            English votes for English issues is indeed is needed, but I suspect we will never get it. The new rules will surely be written by Labour for the interests of Labour after May 15 I suspect.

            Another price we will have to pay for the throwing of the last and this election.

    • Vanessa
      Posted December 8, 2014 at 11:26 am | Permalink

      Well said, Lifelogic !

  3. Margaret Brandreth-J
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 8:13 am | Permalink

    Jesus was not English, for that matter neither is Santa Claus. St Nicholas was a wealthy man who lived around 350 AD . To avoid a father having to sell his three daughters into slavery Nicholas gave this man a sock full of gold. The two stances of course can be reconciled with gold , frankincense and myrrh and the gift to the infant Jesus, but as history dictates, much is built on inaccuracy and fable. Today we can only accept what we observe as real ,as this is what effects our lives . We may want future generations to benefit from good management here and now ,however we cannot appeal to the divine or lead our lives in willing disbelief to achieve collective goals.

    • Lifelogic
      Posted December 8, 2014 at 12:30 pm | Permalink

      “Today we can only accept what we observe as real ,as this is what effects our lives – we cannot appeal to the devine”

      It only that were true, the government even still pay large sums of money to indoctrinate children and create damaging cleavages in society. The government even still creates new religions and pointless attached industries like all the green crap, “renewable” energy, OTT health and safety, the “equality” religion, the compensation culture …….

  4. Peter van Leeuwen
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 8:34 am | Permalink

    Mr Redwood, when will we read about Little John going to Santa asking to be delivered from Europe? A wish ignored for over almost 40 years?

    • Lifelogic
      Posted December 8, 2014 at 2:37 pm | Permalink

      It has not been just ignored for 40 years it is far more sinister than that. It a huge and very deliberate deception, a gigantic fraud against the electorate. Achieved using tax payers money, endless propaganda, hugely biased state broadcasters, lying politicians, endless civil servants, failed politicians, big business and bureaucrats whose mouths are stuffed with tax payers money and obliged to toe the line.

      • Peter van Leeuwen
        Posted December 8, 2014 at 4:27 pm | Permalink

        @Lifelogic: Aren’t you mean to Santa! Accusing him of all these things . .

  5. Tom William
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 8:53 am | Permalink

    Santa said this to Ed “Now you tell me you are ready to be Prime Minister and want to spend some more money, yet you are also telling everyone you will get the deficit down. I don’t see how that works”.

    Then he added under his breath “of course, that is also what I told George”.

    • acorn
      Posted December 8, 2014 at 7:24 pm | Permalink

      When Douglas Adams wrote The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, he added a central joke which has become more famous over the years than the novel itself. The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything was computed to be 42.

      It came to pass that an ancient sadomasochistic order had converted to a political party and re-modelled itself on the Dickensian era. It asked a similar question of a Sinclair ZX80 and came up with the answer “austerity”. Thirty years later, “austerity” was imposed, Teutonic style, on the peoples of the UK.

      It was literally a new religion based on the pain and suffering of the 99%, for the enrichment of the 1% Elite. The little peoples of the UK, would slowly but surely be converted back to a Monastic lifestyle over a mere two parliaments.

      Then, behold, Santa was summoned by the Gods and told to deliver to the little peoples of the UK a savior called Nigel. It came to pass, that Nigel was truly one of the little people and was destined to become their leader. But, it quickly became known that he had no more idea how a sovereign floating fiat currency economy worked than the other load of (chancers ed).

      Alas said the Gods to Santa, ….., Nigel can’t make the future any worse than it is now. Anyway, said the Gods, compared with the master (mess ed)-up in the Eurozone, the UK is Treasure Island.

      PS. Santa. The Gods have decided to send to the Dementor Osborne, a copy of Warren Mosler’s book “The 7 Deadly Innocent Frauds of Economic Policy”. WTF!!!???

      • libertarian
        Posted December 9, 2014 at 11:31 am | Permalink

        Acorn

        You being a macroeconomic genius would know that the entire population of the UK IS the elite we constitute part of the wealthiest 5% on the planet.

        Stop talking drivel

      • Denis Cooper
        Posted December 9, 2014 at 11:39 am | Permalink

        Obviously when you were at school you didn’t pay proper attention during your RE, Religious Economics, lessons. The old religion has always held that whoever is governing can only spend whatever he manages to get in, mainly through taxation even if that grinds the faces of the poor, or by borrowing from rich people with the possibility of cheating them on the repayments. Occasionally heretics have arisen with the dangerous claim that the governor has a perfect right to cheat everybody by debasing the currency, which in earlier times was typically accomplished by calling in all the coinage and melting it down with base metal so that the new coins could be issued it with a lower content of precious metal, but in its most modern manifestation by the creation of as much electronic currency as the governor wants to spend. That is the new religion, as I understand it is called Modern Monetary Theory to make it sound good but nonetheless it is still just the latest version of an old and recurrent heresy.

        • acorn
          Posted December 9, 2014 at 5:37 pm | Permalink

          With your indulgence JR, I will give out another clue. It is difficult to know where to start? There are two types of money in a fiat currency economy. The first one is issued by the government’s Treasury from a place it owned called the Royal Mint (Ltd since 2010; privatised) which only issues coins. For convenience, the Treasury subcontracts paper money issue to the BoE. The BoE will issue paper notes to any commercial bank it allows to have a current (reserves) account at the BoE and needs them for customers. This government money is not convertible to anything, except more government money; it is fiat.

          The second type of money is commercial bank credit and is 95% of what is called broad money. Mostly numbers in ledgers and computer spreadsheets. But it is convertible to government money on demand. At an ATM machine for instance.

          With JR’s permission, I would suggest you read J D Alt’s piece on http://neweconomicperspectives.org/2014/09/bank-dollars-sovereign-spending.html , the system is exactly the same in the UK.

          • Denis Cooper
            Posted December 9, 2014 at 6:33 pm | Permalink

            By law since 1998 the Treasury has subcontracted not only the issue of banknotes but the control of all monetary policy to the Bank of England, within the constraint that it must seek to meet a target for inflation set by the Treasury; with JR’s permission I would suggest you read Sections 10 – 12 of the Bank of England Act 1998:

            http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1998/11/contents

            Isn’t it a rather strange idea that “The Treasury and the Bank of England are one and the same”, as you suggested recently, when Parliament can see enough of a separation between them to legislate that the one may no longer give instructions to the other?

          • libertarian
            Posted December 9, 2014 at 7:23 pm | Permalink

            Acorn

            For a 5 year macroeconomics guru you are very short on the basics. The Bank of England is owned 100% by HM Treasury. How you think that amounts to a privatized bank I don’t know.

            You also don’t seem to be aware that ANYONE can issue money.

            A couple of basic points of fact.

            Commercial bank credit is not and never has been anything to do with a fiat currency. Its Fractional Reserve Banking and was invented long long before Fiat currencies by the Goldsmiths.

            You’ve never heard of all the other sorts of currency then?

            How you can write such pompous posts whilst being so unaware of the very basics of money and business staggers me

          • acorn
            Posted December 10, 2014 at 7:52 am | Permalink

            Denis, you should have read on to section 19 “Treasury’s reserve powers”.

            The Treasury, after consultation with the Governor of the Bank, may by order give the Bank directions with respect to monetary policy if they are satisfied that the directions are required in the public interest and by extreme economic circumstances. An order under this section may include such consequential modifications of the provisions of this Part relating to the Monetary Policy Committee as the Treasury think fit.

          • Denis Cooper
            Posted December 10, 2014 at 8:43 am | Permalink

            Over the past five years and more I have repeatedly pointed out that Section 19 on reserve powers which could have been invoked but never have been, acorn, in fact I did so again only a couple of days ago.

  6. M Davis
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 9:11 am | Permalink

    Absolutely Brill!

  7. oldtimer
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 9:22 am | Permalink

    And Santa said to Cameron, as he said to Ed, “If I give you the present you really want I will also have to arrange a present of billions of sandbags for the Governor of the Bank of England each labelled Bank of England, QE Sand, Guaranteed to Slip Through Your Fingers. And I am not sure I can do that.”

  8. DaveM
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 9:28 am | Permalink

    I’m surprised – I thought Dave might have asked for a time machine so he could go back to the days when the country was run by the English government (with a few Scots and Welsh invited for appearances, and the N Irish too tied up with their own issues to worry about anything else). The heady days when people actually wanted to be in a 6-or-7 country EEC (and it looked like a good idea) and our European neighbours were ruled by weak centre-left governments who would crawl to us when they needed us.

    As opposed to nowadays where the EU calls the shots big-time and the people don’t like the EU and the Scots have found their voice, and are subsequently getting the English a bit worked up. (We don’t want that to happen of course, because if the English get properly worked up we’ll have to acknowledge their existence and it’ll make the whole Scottish episode seem like a children’s party.) And where it could all change when the French and the Greeks and the Italians etc vote in right-wing governments to spoil Merkel’s little walk in the sun. Maybe he could have asked for a UK that looks like he wants it to look (or maybe he thinks it looks) – ie. one big country called Britain where everyone’s friends and there’s an unlimited supply of money and housing and jobs.

    But what about you Mr R?

    If I was you I’d be asking Santa for a clear (oh God – I used the c word!!) and easily understood election manifesto which explains – in very simple terms – what’s happening with the economy over the next few years. And which lays out a road map for what’s going to happen in our country when we vote to leave the EU, and which encompasses the more sensible election-winning policies that have made Ukip so popular. And I’d possibly ask for a mandate to sort out the English question (as a man who has loyalty to the old red and white).

    Personally – I’d say to Santa that if we could just leave the EU and have an English Parliament I’d never ask him for anything else as long as I lived.

  9. Know-Dice
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 9:31 am | Permalink

    Looks like Santa has already given Ed Alex Salmond, a coalition partner if there ever was one…

    Mind you that could be a bit of a “poison chalice” when the condition for SNP support of Labour is Scottish independence…

  10. Bert Young
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 9:36 am | Permalink

    Santa tapped Ed on the shoulder and added ” This year my elves have really been stretched and I’ve told them to take things easy for a while and don’t try the impossible . hope you understand Ed because your stocking will not include being Prime Minister “.

    Dave followed into the grotto all smiles over his face as usual , ” Dave I’ve just said to my elves to take things easy a bit ; you have always been a lucky child and been given things in the past that were not realistic . Please understand that wanting and delivering are two entirely different things . Keep your feet on the ground from now on and stop making promises that my elves can’t deliver . I think you should now let someone else throw the snowballs . I can give you the lollipop you asked for ; your other wants are going abroad “.

  11. Mike Wilson
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 9:58 am | Permalink

    Meanwhile, most of the rest of the country want to be delivered from Ed or Dave as Prime Minister – with only a small minority of people voting for one or the other.

    In 2010 Cameron got the votes of 36.4% of the 65% that voted – so, just 23.66% of voters voted for Cameron.

    And a fairer voting system would be a nice present too:

    On 36.4 % of the vote, the Tories got 47.1% of the seats.
    On 29% of the vote, Labour got 39.7% of the seats.
    On 23% of the vote, the Lib Dems got 8.8% of the seats.

    I am no fan of the Lib Dems (used to be, then they got Clegged) – but I am amazed that after the 2010 election, Clegg had a once in a lifetime opportunity to force the issue and get electoral reform. It is absurd and completely undemocratic that with them on 23% of the vote and Labour on 29% – Labour got 258 seats and the Lib Dems a paltry 57%.

    Seems your vote doesn’t count for much unless you happen to live in a safe constituency and you happen to vote for the ‘safe’ party.

    • Denis Cooper
      Posted December 9, 2014 at 10:34 am | Permalink

      I would agree with a lot of that; the Tories bitterly complained that it took more voters to elect a Tory MP than to elect a Labour MP, when it worked out that in fact it would have been almost exactly the same number of voters for each if the Tories had taken just 6 more seats from Labour, while studiously ignoring the very much greater discrepancy for the LibDems who ended up something like 90 seats short of the number they would have got with strict proportionality. And it will be even more absurd if at the next election UKIP gets 23% of the votes, which is possible, but wins only 5 seats rather than the 57 that the LibDems got on that share of the votes in 2010, which is also possible. While the SNP might get less than 4% of the votes cast across the UK but because they are all concentrated in Scotland they might win 42 seats, more than 6% of the total number of seats, and of course that is an especially clear demonstration of how the use of FPTP with single member geographical constituencies can create gross distortions when support for some of the different parties is so far from being uniform across the country. I suppose I have been brought up to think that the constituency link between each MP and his electors is important; although historically there were many MPs who had virtually no contact with the constituencies allocated to them by their political parties, or by their aristocratic patrons, and some of them saw even an annual visit to the constituency as being a nuisance, an unwelcome and unpleasant interruption to their normal routine, and so I start to wonder when that changed and why.

      • waramess
        Posted December 9, 2014 at 3:31 pm | Permalink

        Predictions are:
        SNP with 4.14 percent of votes get 45 seats
        Liberals with 8.19 percent of the votes get 19 seats
        UKIP with 17.17 percent of the votes get 0 seats
        http://www.electoralcalculus.co.uk/homepage.html
        Illuminating at least

        • Denis Cooper
          Posted December 9, 2014 at 6:51 pm | Permalink

          Yes, because all of the SNP votes are concentrated in just the 59 constituencies in Scotland, and 4.14% x 650/59 = 45.6%, while the LibDem support is more widely spread across Great Britain but they have strongholds which will probably withstand the general tide of unpopularity, while the support for UKIP is certainly not uniformly spread but there are too few constituencies where it is sufficiently concentrated to win the seat.

  12. Timaction
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 10:03 am | Permalink

    I’m at a loss to consider a 2010 election promise other than Foreign Aid where Dave has delivered. He gave us Gay marriage as an extra without mandate.

    • Hope
      Posted December 9, 2014 at 8:39 am | Permalink

      Cameron did not give, he imposed and has tried to change religious beliefs. Would he have the courage to do the same with other religions?

  13. waramess
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 10:42 am | Permalink

    Ah well, I guess it is only five months left to the election and UKIP with an average of 17 percent in the polls are making everybody nervous.

    Of course, it is not UKIP that is making you all nervous but the electorate and their shift from the centre left of politics.

    Maybe now is not the time to rely on Santa but to have a cool long look at why the electorate are deserting in their droves

  14. formula57
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 11:59 am | Permalink

    Just as Santa was looking forward to ending his very difficult day he heard a commotion outside, punctuated by the words “..and you will be venison if you don’t get out of my way!”. Alarmed but summoning his legendary energy, Santa hurried out and with a long practiced, fluent bonhomie said “Ho ho ho, and who have we here then?” A rather downtrodden, weary person stepped forward and into the tense silence a snow elf said, “It is an ordinary voter Santa. We tried to shoo him awa…” But by then Santa had put his arm around the ordinary voter and was guiding him into the grotto. “Well now, it is a long time ago you were here – Winter of Discontent as I remember. Well I certainly sorted things out for you then, didn’t I? Ho, ho ho!” The ordinary voter’s face showed a pleasure not seen in many a year. “Indeed you did Santa” and then with a wan look he continued, “and the same is needed now, oh so urgently. I have been patient, I really have but we all need a government with vision, that understands what it wants to do and will grasp the issues facing our country, tell us what it plans and why and stick to that. We are in a real mess Santa, all they do is spin and lie and no-one takes responsibility, there is a lack of delivery. It has been this way for years now and…” Santa thought it best to cut off this flow and he brought his finger to his lips and said “Shush”. The ordinary voter looked bemused but expectant as Santa smiled and said, “Well the best present I can give you is the instruction not to reward failure with your vote. But you have, haven’t you, time and again that is what you did. You get the presents you deserve.” The ordinary voter began to weep and said, “But after the Winter of Discontent you helped and…” Santa not unkindly interrupted and said,” Look on that as a one-off – such an exceptional present you have no right to expect again. But remember, Santa helps those who help themselves.”

  15. fedupsouthener
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 11:59 am | Permalink

    I’m not concerned with all this Santa Claus business because here in Scotland we may have to think about tactical voting to try and keep Salmond and the SNP out. How can it be right that a party wholly intent on getting what is best for Scotland have a chance of becoming part of a coalition ruling the UK? Who will be standing up for the English if this happens? God, it’s bad enough now but if the SNP get in with Labour then this country is done for. Cameron would do well to do a deal with Farage. At least he speaks for England.

    • Denis Cooper
      Posted December 8, 2014 at 4:10 pm | Permalink

      If you mean that the Tories should make an electoral pact with UKIP for the next general election, that is extremely unlikely to happen except perhaps very quietly in a small number of constituencies. Even if both parties were to publicly agree to an official national electoral pact, which they won’t, it would be unlikely to help either of them and more likely to harm both of them in terms of votes won and would certainly do longer term damage to UKIP.

      If you mean that the Tories should make a deal with UKIP in the Commons after the general election, well, that would be another matter, but in any case I do not share the optimism of some UKIP members and supporters about the number of seats UKIP is likely to win, given that it will have the FPTP system and all of the pro-EU parties working together against it.

      The only sure way of neutralising the greatly enlarged but still relatively small SNP contingent in the Commons would be for Labour and the Tories to agree that for the sake of the Union neither would accept the SNP as a coalition partner, and if it became necessary each of those two parties would allow the other to assume power as a minority government.

  16. Bob
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 12:01 pm | Permalink

    Santa knows who’s been naughty and nice, and Ed & Dave have been slating Nigel for telling the truth. Guess who will be getting potatoes in their stockings.

  17. CHRISTOPHER HOUSTON
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 12:08 pm | Permalink

    Hope you don’t do a piece on what Rt Hon Michael Fallon MP Defence Secretary wants for Christmas. A bit boring. Everyone knows he’s always pestering for at least one ship for his new harbour in Bahrain. And, adequate water supplies for the crew.
    Someone tell him there’s quite a bit of sand out there and a Ship of the Desert isn’t quite what he imagines.

  18. Lifelogic
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 12:38 pm | Permalink

    Danny Alexander (another Oxford PPE disaster) in the Telegraph today. The only way to avoid economic chaos and keep Britain on the right path is to have the Liberal Democrats shaping our economic destiny.

    Yeah sure Danny more green crap, more taxes on the productive, expensive energy, more EU, more misguided oversea aid, the end of any UK democracy, more daft regulations, more pointless over priced trains lines – just what the country needs……and why on earth is their party called the Liberal Democrats?

  19. Terry
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 1:33 pm | Permalink

    All I want for Christmas is a Brexit.

  20. Denis Cooper
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 2:29 pm | Permalink

    It’s something of a puzzle why either Ed or Dave want to be Prime Minister. It can’t be because they want to govern the country, given that they are both so keen to complete the transfer of government of the country to Brussels. Once upon a time whoever held that office was effectively governing a quarter of the world, even if it was often in a pretty hands-off kind of way, but now he doesn’t even govern this small corner of the world; I suppose this may be why present-day Prime Ministers stoop to commenting on trivial matters which would never have engaged the attention of their predecessors.

    • Lifelogic
      Posted December 8, 2014 at 4:36 pm | Permalink

      Indeed a good point. One assumes Cameron types just like strutting about the World, feeling important and being on TV saying one thing while doing the complete opposite behind their backs.

  21. Denis Cooper
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 4:14 pm | Permalink

    JR, is this story in the Express true?

    http://www.express.co.uk/news/politics/544815/Britain-faces-new-EU-bill-extra-400million?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+daily-express-news-showbiz+(Daily+Express+%3A%3A+News+%2F+Showbiz+Feed)

    “Now UK faces a £400 million demand from EU”

    “BRITAIN faces a bill for an extra £400 million to fund the EU next year, it emerged yesterday.”

    If so, could Santa slip £400 million into George Osborne’s stocking?

  22. Max Dunbar
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 5:58 pm | Permalink

    The best present for Scotland and the rest of the UK would be if your leader honours the result of the referendum and gives nothing more to the SNP beyond the current settlement. We voted to retain the Union in Scotland and the clear message from that plebicite was that no further powers be handed to the subversives who would destroy our nation. Merry Christmas and keep a cell or two free in The Tower.

  23. John E
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 6:33 pm | Permalink

    Will Santa bring them a Candy Crush game, or is that only for the member for Amber Valley?

    • Margaret Brandreth-J
      Posted December 8, 2014 at 10:11 pm | Permalink

      Quite frankly , it is as good as bejeweled blitz anyway.

  24. bluedog
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 6:54 pm | Permalink

    We cannot truly know Santa, but he/she is of course all knowing. Perhaps Santa will understand that a loose agreement between Dave and Nigel may be the best chance of keeping the children in pocket money and with the sort of presents that don’t send their parents bankrupt.

    • Denis Cooper
      Posted December 9, 2014 at 10:56 am | Permalink

      Or maybe Santa noticed this back in October, before he got completely tied up with his Christmas work:

      http://ukpollingreport.co.uk/blog/archives/9031

      “Latest polls, and how people would vote with a Con-UKIP pact”

      and suspects that even “a loose agreement between Dave and Nigel” would do more harm than good to both of their parties and actually help Labour.

  25. Sandra Cox
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 11:26 pm | Permalink

    Santa Claus, that well known European, flopped down in his big armchair. “Did you see those naughty boys today Darling? ” asked his wife.

    “Indeed, they were extremely tedious, but I’m not moaning, it’s nothing compared to the hardship they have inflicted upon the people of the United Kingdom. I’d also have liked a strong word with the Merkel girl, but as usual she was too busy ensuring that the European Project is on track, and ensuring it’s working to Germany’s advantage, and that the United Kingdomers foot the bill wherever possible. Do you know something Mother – it’s surprising how alike she and the Sturgeon girl are. Cameron and Miliband don’t stand a chance against either of them! Pity the poor English!”

    Santa settled down with a glass of sherry and a mince pie, and started to asses that day’s visits…

    …. He woke up with a start – had he dreamt about the utter selfishness and hypocrisy of the past couple of days? Unfortunately not, but he had come to a decision …

    …. He wasn’t going to promise any of them anything – they didn’t deserve anything – most of them had been such naughty boys and girls who had behaved atrociously, and had gone back on their promises to the people who elected them ….

    No, he would not give any presents this year. He would let the people of the United Kingdom decide who got what. The only present he wanted to give, mainly for his own peace of mind, was to the great British public – not to allow Cameron and the bully boys and girls on both sides of the House to pull the voters’ Xmas woollies over their eyes.

    Enough of this time-wasting nonsense! He needed to get back to his real job – delivering iPAds, the latest trainers, smartwatches, mobile phones to the “poor” children of the UK. First stop – Benefit Street.

  26. Jon
    Posted December 8, 2014 at 11:38 pm | Permalink

    About 1983 I worked near Harrow on the Hill and some lunchtimes used to walk to the top of the hill where the church is, there is an old wooden seat. I would roll an Old Holborn, take in the view and the stroll down.

    One day walking down late, in the year, I noticed a small group of exceedingly well dressed gents my young age but, from their dress they were still in education, not the education I had. As I approached I began to hear a debate that that was going on. As I neared I thought, that’s interesting but also, that I never had a discussion like that at my six form. Who thinks about how much should be devolved to councils and they looked the same age as me, me in my leather jacket. One of them has extraordinarily shock blond hair, he was launching on a tirade of a debate that I found interesting as I walked past. Yards away from him, a neat brown haired countered the blond, “Ah, you are not going to listen to him again!”
    Giving his own take on council decisions I thought they will run the country some day. Nobody finds what a council does at that age as interesting unless they assume to run for election.
    Anyway, I think if you spend that much time thinking, as with the blond hair, from such a young age, about these matters, they can’t leave it. I don’t think Dave is interested in a Blair career nor Blondy. I remember the passion that they debated, was it right or wrong I have no idea? There was a passion though, and a competition between way back then. Whilst it was interesting, what councils did was not of interest to me then.

  • About John Redwood


    John Redwood won a free place at Kent College, Canterbury, and graduated from Magdalen College Oxford. He is a Distinguished fellow of All Souls, Oxford. A businessman by background, he has set up an investment management business, was both executive and non executive chairman of a quoted industrial PLC, and chaired a manufacturing company with factories in Birmingham, Chicago, India and China. He is the MP for Wokingham, first elected in 1987.

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