Letter from Herr Bahler
Office for Pan Euro solidarity
Bruxelles
(This appears to be to Dame Lucy Doolittle, The Director of the Unit for co-ordinating cross cutting initiatives and partnerships, Whitehall. The letter is in excellent English, but does make the colloquial mistake of sometimes muddling England and the UK. Once again I advise journalists to check the possible source with me before using, as I do not find this Unit on the recent EU organogram -ed)
Dear Dame Lucy,
I understand the difficulties you are experiencing with your Ministers. I am writing to warn you that we are not going to put up with much more grandstanding from the UK. I think you need to be firmer in your dealings with them. They have to understand the realities of the situation they find themselves in.
The EU has been very patient with the wayward English for some years. We allowed you to stay out of the Euro for the time being, and allowed the UK to make slower progress to harmonisation of criminal justice, borders and social policy than other states. We even permitted some continuation of the UK rebate at a time when the richer larger countries of the Union do need to make a greater contribution in the interests of solidarity and harmony.
I should stress it is not helpful for senior UK Ministers to make public statements setting timetables for us to “sort out” Euro and banking issues which are by nature complex. The main members of the EU are frustrated by this conduct, and have proposed a Tobin tax on banks. We are looking at various ways of imposing this, and at the legal base for its agreement. I would suggest your Ministers are asked to give it more careful thought than they have managed so far. Banks are far from popular, and it seems to us to be the least bad way to be seen to be tackling deficit problems around the Union. We would of course allow the UK to benefit more than proportionately from the tax given the Uk revenue base for it. I would have thought it would be very attractive to UK Ministers to have access to such potentially large sums of income.
We do expect to come up with proposals for greater transfers around the Union to promote greater unity of purpose and solidarity. For this we will need agreement to a larger budget.
We also expect to intensify EU scrutiny of banks and other financial institutions in order to prevent systemic problems in our increasingly integrated markets. We would expect the UK to co-operate fully. We do of course have the necessary powers to require more banking cash and capital if we judge them necessary, including for banks with substntial public sector shareholdings.The Uk might be well advised to co-operate with our banking capital review, in the light of theUK state exposures.
If by any chance your Ministers do not wish to work collaboratively on financial matters, we will need to consider ways of restricting market access and ensuring that Euro business is conducted in properly regulated Euro institutions. As you will appreciate, there is always an override of competition and single market rules when it comes to matters of prudence and fitness regulation in matters of finance.
In summary, we expect a more cooperative approach from the UK to the pressing issues of bank regulation, a realistic pan EU budget allowing proper transfers, taxation at an EU level to curb national deficts and pay for enhanced transfers, and some relaxation of the demands for a special deal on budget contributions. The EU needs more powers and money to ensure the success of the Euro, to help countries at risk, and to shore up its banking system. It would not be in the UK’s interest to allow Euro area banks to go down or Euro area countries to default.
We have been heartened by your Finance Minister’s comments that the future health of the Euro matters, and by his understanding that to achieve a strong Euro in the future the EU needs more powers of supervision and budgetary control. I suggest you put to him forcefully that the Uk has an interest in participating fully in the solution from her currently privileged position. There can be no free dinner, as I think you say in English.
I trust you will be able to explain all this to your Minsiters. We have noticed your success with the Foreign office over the Common External Action Service, and with the Home Office over some criminal justice measures. The environmental area is also going very well. These all prove that it is so much better when the Uk is in the mainstream, and can help influence the natural course of EU development.
Yours in ever closer union
etc
October 8, 2011
Too depressingly close to reality I suspect.
October 8, 2011
I see that private pension have fallen 30% in three years – please can we have a private/state sector adjustment tax to rectify the imbalance. This especially as the fall is mainly due to the incompetence of the government, brown and the state sector.
I also see, reported in the telegraph, that the “chief climate change adviser” Lord Turner insists on flying round the world first class or business class and managed to spent £66,000 in 15 months. So I assume he is trying to join the “do as I say not as I do” club like Prince Charles and Al Gore. He recently told MP’s that air travel should be rationed. Do not worry though I think we can all get by on £66,000 of air trave every 15 months.
Max Hasting I see finally saw the light on the EU a few weeks ago –
“MAX HASTINGS: Sorry, I was wrong! The EU is a disaster blighting our lives..”.
Listening to him on any questions he now seems to now be very sensible on nearly all the issues raised – on the pointless wars, the NHS and much else. Perhaps now he is 65 he has final developed the wisdom sensible people had usually developed at about 16-25.
He does still sound a bit pompous though.
October 8, 2011
Many pensions were plundered by private companies to increase profits and the former publicly owned National Bus Company which was sold off by the Conservative government who then allowed its pension fund surplus to be counted as an asset of the privatised company.
The main issue raised is who is supposed to guard the pension funds from acting improperly.
The highly paid suits who are supposed to do this almost always appear to have been completely negligent when a scandal surfaces. However, apart from a few slapped wrists they aren’t held liable and often seem to end up with big pay off’s and new board room jobs.
The poor pensioners don’t tend to do quite as well.
Why should public sector workers be brought into line with this? Will their lack of money help you in the supermarket?
October 8, 2011
The state sector makes the pension laws/rules and enforces them. The state as usual did a very bad job of this and some pensioners lost out. Why therefore should people, with little or no pension, pay for very good pensions for state sector workers.
October 9, 2011
The state workers pay taxes too and all this ‘gold plated’ nonsense is just that many of the pensions are and will be very small, except like in the private sector for an elite few. Which as you never mention this I take you find to be acceptable. The state will have to pay income support anyway if the pension is not enough, another subsidy for the private sector.
October 9, 2011
The only people in the state sector who make pension laws are the MPs, and those who enforce the laws are the courts and police. So by your definition only these state employees should be punished and the rest can keep their good pensions because they’re not culpable by your standards.
Also why not reduce the pensions of the executives who mismanaged their employees pensions to rectify this imbalance? They’re far more to blame for poor private sector pensions than anyone else.
October 9, 2011
Bazman average state sector “notional pension pot” was about 10 times the average private one last time I looked probably worst still now given inflation and the recession/markets.
October 8, 2011
Yep, sad that someone influential like Max Hastings has been against the British people for so long – I guess at least we can say thank goodness he has seen the error of his ways and it is nice he apologised.
October 8, 2011
At last I see a high speed rail project that, perhaps, I could finally support “Heathwick”. The proposal seems to be to put a 15 minute train link (for £5Billion) between Gatwick and Heathrow along the M25 making them “one” large hub airport.
Of course they still need an extra runway at each (which Cameron/Clegg have ruled out) but it is a start. I suspect that it could be done for £1B if they got their act together too.
October 8, 2011
Most appropriate, it could quite easily be genuine and such notes could be in existence in the various opulent office suites that house the many top dogs in Brussels.
October 8, 2011
And in the ones that house the lapdogs in Westminster.
October 8, 2011
Erm, the other thing we have forgotten in the mists of time is how well the EMU members (didn’t) support an ailing Pound under Lamont. But then, as you Germans might say, “das Boot war auf dem anderen Fuss”!
October 9, 2011
The submarine was on the other foot?
October 8, 2011
Yes John you are correct some of the English not so good, but still probaly better than mine!
CanI just simplify in my own language.
We want you to join theEuro so you can have a proper say, you can then help out with money not words (talk is so cheap).
When in the Euro we can then arrange and modify your taxation system to suit all of us, after all the system will not work if we do not have the same policies for all, and that would be so unfair.
As members of a club I think you would agree that all should obey the same rules, so why do you keep on complaining, you are always out voted, and always comply in the end.
With regard to membership fees, the club is going through hard times at the moment, so given that you agree we are all in this together, those that can afford to pay more will, those that cannot will have to borrow to pay. We are setting up a magnificent new state of the art, (or is it art of the State) printing department so just help yourself.
PS
Aware some of your Ministers may go through a bit of a hard time with the public if you change tack, but please tell them not to worry, there is still plently of room on the ship of plenty (you already have some past members of ours in the cabinet, so they can give you a feel of how it all works), many can join their past friends for many years of relaxation, lots of reading matter as we have an automatic first edition library on board, which produces excellent novels in Eurospeak.
We have topped up the supplies, and our first priority is as always, to curtail our own personal expenditure to nil, so you can even wear trousers with no pockets (so no bulging pockets to spoil the line)
The reason for no personal expenditure of any kind is simple, it confuses the accountants, who for years seem not to have been able to seperate business from pleasure cost type centres. So the solution to us was obvious, no personal expenditure of any kind is now allowed, the EU will pay for everything you need. We can even provide for spouses, children, indeed whole families such are the benefits of our club, and its for life.
Many thanks for you anticipated thoughts and actions, and dont forget, we are all in this together
October 8, 2011
Actually I find posts like this one very helpful. Yes, yes, I know how easy it is to be scathing about humour, but this really brings home what I am sure must be going on secretly in London this very morning.
October 8, 2011
“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.” Mark Twain
And there is the rub, regardless of what the ‘English’ wish to do to protect its sovereignty, its cultural heritage, its innate sense of fairness and its flexibility it will not be allowed to do so. The European elite, operating in a democratic vacuum and with its hands on the levers of power, will not allow it to happen, the Project has to succeed. There is a new breed of Guilty Men.
October 8, 2011
Probably written by on of Cameroons or Clogs advisers.
October 8, 2011
P.S. Your environmental rating has slipped recently by printing all those 15 Billion extra five pounds notes.
October 8, 2011
Well we certainly haven’t been getting a ‘free dinner’ – the CAP has ensured that.
Say we did leave the EU. What of London as a global banking centre ? Would that be affected ?
Also …
Say that the EU were of a Conservative ideology as opposed to a Liberal one; all other aspirations remaining the same – unity, single currency, one-ness on global outlook. Would the Europhiles still be enthusiastic about it ?
October 8, 2011
“Threat, threat, threat, threat, blackmail ,threat!
Love
Herr Bahler
October 8, 2011
Dear Herr Bahler
Thank you for yours of the 8th Oct. Unfortunately Dame Lucy and her whole department are currently trying to retrieve several thousand rogue business cards which are circulating the globe. This being a matter of national security.
She is also trying to find a Cat (Felis catus), that may have entered the UK under a false passport and defecated all over two of our senior ministers.
Yours, Acorn.
Adviser to John Redwood MP
(I comment on this site so that makes me a genuine adviser. Will send sample of my new business card shortly JR)
October 8, 2011
Seems made up to me, but accurate political satire nonetheless.
October 8, 2011
I thought how amusing this was and how it was just what was needed to lighten the doom and gloom of recent weeks. Until I realised just how close to reality it probably is, so back to the doom and gloom I’m afraid.
October 8, 2011
“We allowed you to stay out of the Euro for the time being” is certainly how they see it; having proved to be too a hard nut to crack immediately the UK has been put on one side to be dealt with later, if necessary when it’s been totally isolated as the only EU member state which still hasn’t adopted the euro.
I still wonder why the government was so obstinate in rejecting all attempts to entrench the “referendum lock” law against easy repeal.
October 8, 2011
Dear Herr Bahler,
I am writing to you in the same capacity as Dame Lucy who is catching up on some sick leave.
Thank you for noting our recent success with the direction of travel at the Foreign Office and Home Office.
In common with the rest of the EU membership, our biggest concern is the electorate. Populism is our greatest threat.
I understand that you are concerned with public statements that are off message. However I hope you will appreciate that this is our way of satisfying populism while simultaneously allowing us quietly to move forward with our ‘project’.
I hope you appreciate that this double-track approach is working. For example, despite the public statements that you dislike, the UK government has continued to provide substantial funding to the Eurozone via the Stabilisation Mechanism, an increase in our contribution to the IMF and a direct loan to Ireland.
We are particularly proud of the sleight of hand of our public opposition to an increase in the EU budget and our likely (quiet) acceptance of an above inflation settlement.
We believe that a policy of public rhetoric (which you may find uncomfortable at times) coupled with silent co-operation with the wider eu project is paying dividends.
We may be slipping it under the carpet, out of sight of the populist electorate, but we are keeping our ministers on board and delivering on our commitments.
Yours in ever closer union (but softly softly)…
October 8, 2011
No surprise there then.
October 8, 2011
I read a story this week that under EEC regulations all roads are to be replaced with rubber and tyres will be made from a form of concrete due to the safety aspects of tyre wear and neglect, particularly on commercial vehicles such as vans, white ones being the most suspect. This is only because the tyres are in stark contrast. This will save the motorist millions, but will cost the council tax payer a fortune.
October 8, 2011
One can imagine (even predict) speeches being in the House of Lords on these lines by the many peers who take the EU party whip.
October 8, 2011
Shirley Williams will, no doubt, be lined up.
October 8, 2011
At least “The Pearl” says it out of pure conviction. The payroll vote comes from all those former MEPs, Commissioners, ambassadors and Brussels officials.
October 8, 2011
That is why we should withdraw from this SOVIET ,IMMEDIATELY,tell them to go hang themselves.They need us more than we need them,seeing as we run a huge annual deficit
with the eu.What will mercedes,bmw and vw do if we stop buying from them WHERE will they sell the volume of RIGHT HAND DRIVE cars we buy ,IF we buy say from Korea ,I have been in the motor trade since 2000 and if you compare the build quality and features of
Hyundai and Kia and Chevrolet which was Daewoo, from 10 years ago they are now up with
the germans,what about Peugeot and Renault etc etc .What most don’t know is that a car factory has to have a certain volume of RHD manufacture in a certain model to make it worthwhile doing so, and given that the two biggest RHD markets are us and Japan followed by the old British Empire countries minus Canada BUT take us out of the equation
the manufacturers I mentioned, probably just to make for Japan and the other RHD countries might not be enough,switching from RHD to LHD even on the same model say a golf is a huge nuisance unless there is volume,so sales to AUS/NZ/SA/ etc etc whose markets add up to at least 2 million cars a year, could be lost to manufacturers with the volume,AND I did not even mention INDIA and it’s potential which is HUGE,I cannot see
these manufacturers wanting to lose so much sales potential. SO as I said they need us more than we need them in more ways than is thought,if the Korean manufacturers decided to set up in Brazil to make cars those manufacturers I mentioned would go WHITE
with FEAR ,especially VW who are big in Brazil, the South American market is at least to
500 million people let alone central and North America.I cannot for the life of me understand all the supposedly intelligent europhiles either not knowing facts such as these
OR they are deliberately IGNORING their knowledge and hope the ordinary hoi polloi as they think of them,will NEVER find out. All they care about is THEIR project the giant PONZI scheme called the eu.
October 8, 2011
It sounds like the Kremlin scolding a wayward child for not conforming to the rest of society. How dare they treat England with such contempt. I would love to lob a massive granade over the English Channel to show them who they are dealing with !
October 8, 2011
Dear Herr Bahler,
Thank you so much for your recent letter encouraging greater pan European solidarity, and I am happy to share the views of the government in respect of this worthy ideal. I have to tell you that Dame Lucy has recently taken up an offer of voluntary early release. Her contribution to the Civil Service was indeed unique, and I can only hope that my assumption of her responsibilities will bear fruit in our future relationship with the EU.
I am somewhat perplexed by your reference to grandstanding. I hope that you understand that the UK is not part of the Eurozone and considers itself under no obligation to take any action in regard to either political or economic measures which affect this currency. Having reviewed the propositions contained within your letter, please consider the following principle as a consistent guiding principle for all our future engagement with the Eurozone: The UK government does not wish to interfere in the affairs of the currency union, and expects the same reciprocity from your good selves with regards to the UK’s own sphere of responsibility.
The UK has been very understanding towards the EU over the years of our membership conceding many national economic interests in the cause of being a ‘good European’. We are a large market for European goods and we would expect that you wish state of affairs to continue. The only way to keep this sound economic relationship is by reassessing on a wide basis the nature of our political and economic relationship with the Eurozone, and we intend to do so whilst maintaining free trade with Europe. As you are aware, Herr Bahler, the world is far bigger than Europe and we would no more wish to be considered a ‘little European’ as be a called a ‘little Englander’ as has been reported by some of our officials in Brussels. We can assure you that the rebate will be the least of the issues to concern you as we will be reviewing the totality of the UK’s contribution to the EU budget on the basis of economic necessity. The UK welcomes the principle of free trade, and sees it as the lifeblood of peaceful co-existence between European countries.
In concert with the principle of free trade, the government wishes to return to the principle of low taxation to help stimulate economic activity. We hope that this will reap great mutual benefits between the UK and the Eurozone area, and heartily encourage the Eurozone countries to take up the challenge of stimulating similar activity on the European mainland. This, of course, means that any new tax initiatives or spending commitments which we do not think are in the UK’s national interest are out of the question.
Likewise, we do not require any extra scrutiny of our national financial institutions, and would suggest that this may a useful area where you could consider scaling back budget costs within the Eurozone area. Henceforth, we would wish you to have a clear understanding that UK liabilities are a matter for the UK authorities and we will deal with them accordingly, and not be subject to intrusive extra-territorial surveillance.
In summary, we expect a more cooperative and rewarding relationship with the EU on the basis of mutual respect, a more realistic EU budget, less taxation and greater freedom from trade inhibiting regulation. Of course, in full recognition of the Eurozone’s sovereignty, we wish to offer our full moral support in your efforts to bring back economic stability to the Eurozone area. We know that it is in the Eurozone’s interests to maintain the stability of the Euro and would encourage you with all haste to undertake the necessary reforms to return that currently elusive stability. As you quite rightly state, there can be no free dinner….
Please be reassured that I will be reporting to the Prime Minister directly on this matter as our relationship with the European Union is a matter of the highest importance to him. We hope that this unfortunate economic crisis can be seen as an opportunity to reinvigorate our relationship, both political and economic, with the EU on the basis of mutual respect between sovereign states.
Yours fraternally
Sir John K Ickarse
cc PM John Redwood
October 8, 2011
This letter seems to imply that the UK Government will benefit from the Tobin tax and that the EU is prepared to let us benefit ‘more than proportionately’. This could be a new source of revenue for the Treasury.
October 8, 2011
That’s how EU negotiation works. The UK (not a member of the eurozone) would supply about three quarters of the revenue so it is generously allowed to keep 25 per cent, instead of the proportionate, say, 15 per cent.
Leaving aside the tangled issue of whether such a tax makes sense, the UK government seems to be taking the pragmatic line that it is not opposed in principle but insists that the tax is imposed only if all significant financial markets agree and offshore centres can be bullied into accepting it.
Most of us cannot see New York, Chicago, Hong Kong, Singapore, Zurich playing ball. Perhaps they will. If not, the UK would simply lose the international business but at little cost to the eurozone countries, which do not have it anyway.
Ironically, France enacted a Financial Transactions tax some years ago, with the proviso that it would only come into force if everyone else did the same.
Tres amusant. Admittedly, circumstances are now more propitious. But if we now adopt the French stance, that hardly seems like solid ground on which to build a new euro protection system.
October 8, 2011
The implied bribe here of offering a share in a brand new colossal source of taxation which can be blamed on Brussels would certainly have been taken up by Brown and co. As the present administration has been unable to resist the temptation of printing money to cancel its debts, we should be really worried.
October 8, 2011
I know this is strictly off the point, but can you please, Mr R, give us a true definition of “the right to a family life” as Winston’s generation understood it when they set up the original charter?
I thought it meant the Gestapo and KGB would no longer be allowed to raid private homes whenever they felt like it, and that it was nothing whatever to do with the rights to settlement of foreigners. In other words, Winston wanted the “Englishman’s home is his castle” principle to apply on the continent as well.
Reply: It is one of those phrases which changes in meaning as society changes, as you imply.
October 9, 2011
Like most legal phrases like “reasonable force” “reasonable provision” it is designed to allow judges to pick and choose the law and to do exactly as they like in any particular case – perhaps depending on their mood, or quality of lunch that particular day. That way no one know what the legal outcome will be. In this way endless money is spent of lawyers getting one ruling and then appealing to endless higher courts often at taxpayers expense on both sides.
October 9, 2011
Surely it’s up to the jury to decide what each phrase means, unless it’s specified in the act or a higher court has already determined ruled on this issue.
What you’re describing would only occur in a Civil Law system, such as France, where the higher courts cannot bind the lower courts.
October 10, 2011
Do Civil actions have a Jury system.
Not in the one case I have been involved in.
October 10, 2011
“Immigration Judges” aren’t presiding over proper courts with proper counsels and proper juries, dispensing proper english justice. They aren’t proper judges either. How did our independent judiciary allow this term “Immigration Judges”, colloquially known as “Judges” to be coined in the first place? Quiet apart from the fact that every time one of them gets into trouble it brings the proper judges into general disrepute.
October 8, 2011
The Eurocrats learned a long time ago, that in order to seize and expand power, you do not use “Democracy” but an “Autocracy” based on membership for life. The Executives ( Civil Servants with no controlling bosses) are an Elite Group, who take what they wish, reward their friends and vow both silence and no outside audits, ever. We are up against a Group of ruthless people who have scathing contempt for the voting Public of the EU Countries and will bend or break any rules they see fit, to achieve their objective. That is an Autocratic Plutocratic Dictatorship. The only thing they have not bargained for is a serious Revolt by the People, who realise that they are stuck on a moving train of “Taxation without Representation. Nothing can be changed by the Public View, so far as Eurocrats are concerned. Such people are the Enemy of the People, not our paid and directed servants..
October 9, 2011
Care to name some of these ‘Executives’ or provide their job titles? If you can’t it’s safe to say that they don’t exist.
October 9, 2011
From the very few pro eu views on here,it has become clear to me that these people are clearly
in need of,CLINICAL PSYCHIATRIC OBSERVATION,apropos the song ‘THEY’RE COMING
TO TAKE ME AWAY HA HA HE HE”. Also my wording to the writer of this letter in my reply
would scare the living …t out of him,I would find out where he lived and organise a crowd of at least 5000 to picket his house.
October 9, 2011
So people are only allowed to have your opinion or they’ll be beaten. Sounds like you’re the on with the mental illness.
October 9, 2011
Where Hitler and Napoleon failed, successive British governments have suceeded. Blair, Brown and now Cameron (BBC?) with his never to be elected again buddy, have all done their utmost to do down the people of this country. Is there anyone out there who would be a great leader, a leader who would put the interests of the UK first and foremost. Weak and inffectual seems to be the order of the day. Take anything that is thrown at us and oh, by the way, support the Borat countries that have latched onto a “good thing” (EU fiasco). While Cameron is busy giving away millions of pounds to educate children of other countries the young people of this country are having to support the greed of universities, with his blessing.
Two supposedly high level ministers arguing publiclyabout the cat thing owned by somebody who shouldn’t even be here in the first place. A so-called justice minister who is embarrassing to behold.
The list is endless.
Where is the great leader to take us out of this?
October 9, 2011
Sehr geehrter Herr Bauer
May I firstly point out that the ‘English’ to whom you refer, no longer officially exist. That is why ‘English’ nationality no longer exists on any official documents; there is no ‘English’ ethnicity: please refer to ‘White British’. Secondly, your Tobin Tax will undoubtedly throw a spanner in the works of our master blueprint for East Britain. London is being converted into a multi-ethnic region of which the core is the City itself, controlled by international financial interests, which very much relies for its income on the easy pickings to be derived from the pensions and other savings of the White British. London now by law is the sanctuary of choice for (taxplanners-ed) of international eminence and all those with suitcases of recently acquired wealth who, like the established international financiers, have acquired a taste for the best addresses that London has to offer. (sentence left out-ed) The White British have predictably fled in their droves; those remaining have, through the multicultural mixed sex education system, been melded into a group of low (achievement?ed), indefinable ancestry and with a curious argot much akin to pidgin.
(etc, etc)
Hope this helps
Lucy