It is conventional for websites and newspapers to compete with each other to come up with a ludicrous story on April 1st that people fall for. As I thought about what mine should be, I concluded that truth these days is often much more extreme than fiction. Instead I thought I would list a few stories that are true that could have been good April Fool jests some years ago. I ask you to write in with your contribution in a similar spirit.
UK to close 7 power stations producing cheap power because the EU does not like them . This will leave the UK short of power on cold winter days, and will help drive the price of electricity up substantially.
UK to rely for 20% of its electricity on wind power, generated by very expensive wind farms that we have to subsidise. The country will have to get round to building an equivalent amount of capacity to the wind farms to stand idle when they are producing, for the periods when the wind is not blowing. This will be done to limit the amount of CO2 the UK produces, so we can import products from elsewhere where they have cheaper power and produce more CO2. No-one will worry about how much CO2 is expended building all the extra power stations for double banking.
The Environment Agency will decide that it should not carry on dredging the rivers and water courses in the Somerset levels, and will not maintain or increase the capacity of the pumps, so the levels can flood badly whenever it rains too much. This will be done in the name of restoring old wetland habitats under an EU Directive. The slogan will be “Water foul before people”.
The UK will hand over most of the regulation of its financial sector to the EU, in the belief that they will judge it wisely and look after our interests.
The UK will invite in an extra 250,000 people a year, whilst saying it intends to cut its CO2 output, and protect our green and pleasant land.