A Christmas fairy story

Red Riding Hood – a very modern fairy tale of life in the European woods

Once upon a time a lady called Britannia was taking food to her grandmother Anglia at her cottage in the middle of the wild woods. Britannia was a very grown woman, but she liked to be known by her childhood nickname, Red Riding Hood, based on the old fairy story of the same title. Because she was no longer a child, she dropped the “Little”, though she secretly hoped sticking to the nickname would conjure an image of her with eternal youth.

On the way to the cottage she became increasingly aware of some man stalking her. She thought she could see him through the trees, but as she turned he vanished behind the foliage. When she did see him he was quite pleasing on the eye, so she showed him a friendly face. He came out of the dense vegetation to talk to her.

It soon appeared that he was a handsome fellow. Dressed in a well fitting Italian suit, which showed off his trim form to good effect, he had obvious Gallic charm. As the conversation developed it appeared he had a well paid job in Germany which in some ways sounded even better. He said he was called Mr European Economic Community which sounded a bit of a mouthful. Recognising this he said call him Common for short, as apparently his English nickname was Common market. Common said he was having a get together with some of his continental friends, and they were now all in some kind of club. Wouldn’t Britannia like to join them?

Britannia had had an unhappy life with foreign men in the past. Years ago there had been an abusive relationship with Rome which had ended in divorce and in a fight with a Spaniard called Phillip. Then there had been a bust up with a very aggressive Frenchman called Napoleon. Perhaps worst of all had been the rows with a German called Adolf, even though she had first tried to keep out of his way when she saw him bullying others. She reminded Common of this and said she didn’t want anything more than a few club nights trading together. There was to be no moving into a common European home, or trying to share bank accounts. Common said he fully understood, that was all they had in mind at the moment. She wouldn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to do. She could always so No to what the more raucous members of the club might get up to later.

Britannia signed up. It mainly seemed to go alright at the beginning, though soon she realised she had signed away her fishing rights and her food seemed to get dearer. Worse still when the bills came in for the common market she said she wanted, it seemed to cost her a lot more than it cost them, so she was always in deficit. Common might have a well paid German job, but none of the money came her way. He kept selling, not buying, which was how he stayed rich. She had a temporary spasm that maybe she should leave the club quite early on, so they did improve the terms a little and she stayed.

After a few more years it became obvious to her that not only did she always seem to owe them more than they bought from her, but the club subscription they had imposed was also very big. So she complained, and sure enough she got a rebate. So she soldiered on.

A few years later all the other members of the club led by Common and by his German friends recommended that they change things quite a lot. Common altered his name by deed to Mr European Union, and said he was happy to be known by his new nickname, Euro. They set out a range of new agreements saying that it was no longer just a trading club to buy and sell things, but a much wider club covering all the main features of their lives. They started to share a bank account, share a common home, share their energy, have the same views about foreigners and decide for each other how much they could spend and earn.

Britannia kept saying she had not agreed to any of this. She dug in when it came to the bank accounts, and kept her own.

Then one day when she arrived at her grandmother’s house as she always did to take her some of the dear EU food she thought there was something strange about her grandmother in bed. Her grandmother was telling her that it was now time for her to share her home with Mr EU. She said it obviously made sense to have the same bank account, to pool all the expenses, and to be guided in how to live by Mr EU and his very clever German friends.

It didn’t take Red Riding long to work out that Mr EU had commandeered her grandmother’s house and was planning to run her home and life as well. It was Mr EU in bed dressed very unconvincingly as Grandmother. Mr EU tried to reassure her. He told it was all inevitable. It was all going to be fine. She could have a bit longer before they shared a bank account and a bed if she liked. He realised it was all a bit of a shock, but it would be so much better for both of them. He had transferred Grandmother for her own sake, as she wasn’t safe in the cottage anymore.

When Britannia didn’t agree to his wishes he started to threaten her, in a gentle sort of way. He told her they could make it tough for her. All that trade she wanted might not be so easy to come by. When she retorted that she always seemed to be paying out for the trade and there lots of other places she could trade with, Mr EU seemed to change and became very cross.

Mr EU told her that her half sister Caledonia was on his side. Did she not realise she might become a real handful if Britannia didn’t behave and go along with Mr EU? Britannia was not inclined to believe him about this, as she had just had a long argument with Caledonia who had finally agreed to stick with the rest of the family, though she did know there could be a strong minded side to her half sister’s views.

So what did Britannia do next?

There are two variations on how this fairy story ended. Some say Britannia turned the tables on Mr EU, stormed out of the house, and lived happily ever after without him. Others say she timorously gave in, became his ward, and was made to work ever harder to meet his demands in their common European home. I am leaving it to you to make the choice. That’s the way modern fairy tales work. I know I prefer the happier ending.

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60 Comments

  1. Dame Rita Webb
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 6:59 am | Permalink

    I would have thought “Cinderella” would have been more of an appropriate story. Cinderella (the British people) has her life made a misery by her two ugly metrosexual sisters, Dave and George. Baron Hardup, her father, has had his savings destroyed by their excessive money printing. While Buttons has been made redundant because the sisters would prefer a East European who would work for a lower wage …. Unfortunately there is no Prince Charming on the horizon.

    • Mitchel
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 1:17 pm | Permalink

      …and the pumpkin carriage you left unattended at Calais has just been boarded by a group of illegals!

  2. matthu
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 7:14 am | Permalink

    Common said he was having a get together with some of his continental friends, and they were now all in some kind of club. There was often debauchery and gambling and although some of what was being proposed was clearly illegal, anything that happened in the club stayed in the club.

    Wouldn’t Britannia like to join them?

    Britannia said she would, as long as neither her parents or children ever found out.

  3. Mike Stallard
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 7:20 am | Permalink

    Love it. I do not often laugh out loud, but I did then. Well written!

    PS M. Juncker made a rather sinister speech to the Hemicycle this week. In it he said that the Euro was to be controlled by the European Parliament. He then sort of slid into saying that the European Parliament was Europe and the Euro members were sort of in charge of Europe.
    If that is so, then it does rather leave us Brits out in the cold with the Euro countries ruling over us. Bad news for Mr Cameron’s surprise announcement of Associated Membership.
    http://europa.eu/rapid/press-release_SPEECH-15-6328_en.htm

    There is a video on the site too if you want it.

  4. Lifelogic
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 7:26 am | Permalink

    Will Cameron ever have a fair referendum? One with the public given the full facts or will he, the BBC and the government try to deceive, hide information and misinform the public at every turn? His pathetic and clearly choreographed demands of mere benefit restrictions is totally irrelevant to the substance of the issue. He is attempting to take the public for complete and utter fools.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/eureferendum/12057025/Government-accused-of-cover-up-as-data-suggests-million-EU-migrants-unaccounted-for-in-Britain.html?WT.mc_id=e_DM71608&WT.tsrc=email&etype=Edi_FAM_New&utm_source=email&utm_medium=Edi_FAM_New_2015_12_18&utm_campaign=DM71608

    • DaveM
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 11:26 am | Permalink

      LL,

      Don’t worry too much – this sort of thing is reported daily in various papers that have a combined readership of over 30 million.

      The public aren’t as blinkered and stupid as DC thinks they are.

      • dame rita webb
        Posted December 18, 2015 at 1:08 pm | Permalink

        No but Dave will win the referendum. The threats from employers about leaving a non EU UK will become louder and more frequent. While with the prospect of secure borders you need not guess into which pile the postal votes will be going into

      • Lifelogic
        Posted December 18, 2015 at 1:12 pm | Permalink

        Well we shall see. So many are indeed taken in by the BBC LibDim line on the EU, an ever larger state, the free at the point of rationing NHS, ever higher and more complex taxes, ever more catastrophic warming and green crap, ever more enforced “equality”, ever more non-selective immigration, ever more regulation of everything and the rest of the usual BBC drivel.

  5. APL
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 7:28 am | Permalink

    JR: “So what did Britannia do next?”

    Poor Britannia, she’s been robbed she’s been used, she’s had a black eye and a broken arm occasionally, but she still loves Mr EEC because she’s sure she can make him change his ways.

    There will be another domestic dispute, there always is. The outcome will depend – does it occur in the kitchen near the knife drawer or will it end with another visit to ER and a plausible story ‘I just walked into a door’, poor Britannia, such poor taste in suitors.

  6. Glenn Vaughan
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 7:41 am | Permalink

    Very good John and I share your desire for the happier ending.

    Of course you might well be sitting in a Hollywood studio writing screenplays before the above story is resolved by the end of 2017.

  7. DaveM
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 7:56 am | Permalink

    A Christmas Play.

    DC: OK guys, are you all ready to play that game we talked about? You know, the one where I pretend to get angry and ask for little things and you pretend it’s too hard to get them then I pretend not to like you. Then we play the next part next February and you let me win so I can keep handing over my country’s money and sovereignty.

    EU: No, Dave, we don’t have time for that. We want to play a different game. We want to put down plans for an EU Army/Internal Police Movement, but we’re going to pretend it’s a Coastguard and Border Agency. Are you in?

    DC: Yeah of course, but don’t tell anyone because it’s one of the little things I’m going to ask for and I have to pretend not to be involved with this. How much money do you want?

    EU: We’ll come back to that in a minute. Any ideas for names for this, ahem, (haha) “agency”?

    AM: I think “Staatssicherheit” is quite catchy.

    DC: Whatever you say Angie.

  8. Ian wragg
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 8:05 am | Permalink

    The finale will be more of the same with Dave the chief non negotiator acting on behalf of Angela.
    This morning he’s trying to spin a good deal when he obviously has no clothes.
    We also learn that the government is lying on immigration figures from the EU.
    Keep it up John. More ammo for out.

    • Lifelogic
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 1:13 pm | Permalink

      He is not even asking for clothes.

  9. Graham
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 8:57 am | Permalink

    Mr EU offered Brittania a job and house in his palace he had built using her money and so she gladly gave everything away.

  10. Lifelogic
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 9:07 am | Permalink

    So Cameron claims progress is being made in his pathetically choreographed EU fake negotiation.

    Needless to say he does not tell us what this progress is. The progress he claims seems rather unlikely, as he is not even asking for anything of substance.

    • Ken Moore
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 11:58 am | Permalink
      • Lifelogic
        Posted December 18, 2015 at 10:48 pm | Permalink

        The fact that very few members of the EU want to see a Brexit is a very good reason indeed for everyone to vote for an exit (this regardless of their view on the issue). There would logically be nothing to lose as clearly the EU would make a better offer (following on from an out vote) or would accept us back at any time on rather better terms than the current ones.

        Should the UK ever be foolish enough to want to return that is.

  11. ChrisS
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 9:07 am | Permalink

    Excellent story.

    Turning to the “deal” with Turkey. Well, more of a bribe, actually.

    What will our portion of the €3bn to be paid to Turkey ?

    Unless Merkel is stupid enough to hand out a couple of million EU passports, this is a Schengen problem so why are we paying anything towards it ?

    Finally is the €3bn to be found out of the existing and agreed EU budget ?
    If not, this is yet another example of “budget creep” and will be on top of the extra €1.7bn George has got to find this year because he was told we had to pay extra for the past economic success including the magnificent contribution of our entrepreneurial sex industry !

    It won’t be long and there will be another €3bn for the new Libyan government. Then there’s the North Africans. These bribes could easily amount to €10bn.
    You couldn’t make it up !

    • Mitchel
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 1:20 pm | Permalink

      I wouldn’t worry too much about the money,Dave’s got Rumplestiltskin Osborne up in his tower turning straw into gold…….and he’ll be coming for his payoff soon.

      Although,as I recall,it didn’t end well for poor Rumply…..all that spinning…for nought.

  12. Lifelogic
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 9:14 am | Permalink

    Why exactly do we not put folic acid in flour surely saving 2000+ baby from having neural tube and spinal cord problems? Why are governments so slow to do such obvious and virtually free things as this? Indeed far better than free.

    • Dame Rita Webb
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 11:00 am | Permalink

      You might also want to consider outlawing first cousin marriages too

    • Colin
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 2:10 pm | Permalink

      Perhaps people might object to being medicated by the government without their consent?

      • Jagman84
        Posted December 18, 2015 at 7:16 pm | Permalink

        As in the same way that Fluoride is added to the water supply without our consent?

      • Lifelogic
        Posted December 24, 2015 at 12:40 am | Permalink

        They can buy it without if they really want to but few would care that much.

  13. The Active Citizen
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 9:32 am | Permalink

    How modest of you not to include your own part in this tale, JR. Nevertheless I hope the Bow Group enjoyed it last night.

    Here for your readers is how the story really ended …

    Britannia was reluctant to run away from Mr EU’s grasp, as she had been told over and over that if she ran away to the forest she would find no food or shelter and would inevitably be devoured by the great wolf Austerity Regina.

    (words left out ed).

    Britannia wondered and worried, worried and wondered, until one day Mr EU left on business. He had gone to organise his friends,(words left out ed) and was many leagues distant travelling though the lands known as the Quota-Receptor States.)

    And so, with Mr EU out, when there was a knock on the door Britannia ran to open it. A tall, handsome, dark but slightly-greying stranger of somewhat severe countenance bowed to her.

    “Britannia, I am the huntsman Wood (you can call me Red) and I’m here to rescue you. “

    “Ooh,” gasped Britannia, for she was not entirely averse to the whole tall-dark-stranger concept. “But how can you rescue me, Sir? The forest is dark and full of danger and I will never eat again if I venture forth with you.”

    “Nonsense,” replied Red. “Beneath my specially-sceptic cloak I carry the Bright Shining Light of Prosperous Independence and Freedom, and with it I shall smite the forces of Commission of Obedience and Servitude which Mr EU is so fond of.

    “I shall drive them forever from these lands and once again you shall be free. Your house shall once again be your home.” He gave a rare smile. ” Hell, you and your friends can even elect representatives to set the laws you want to live by, if you really want.”

    “Ooh,” gasped Britannia. “You mean I shall once again live in a sovereign land, with no weighty annual tithe to pay to Mr EU and his friends for my meagre trading with them? And I can work the land and make things, (without incurring high energy costs or having to wear a high-vis jacket unnecessarily), and decide with my friends of the land how and with whom we trade? And we can set our own social and other frameworks, and decide who we invite to join us from faraway lands?”

    “Indeed,” replied Red, for he was a man of short speeches and could get to the point.

    Then Red paused and eyed Britannia. “Now, my dear, if you don’t mind, I have travelled for many years to reach this place and my journey has not always been an easy or popular one with some of my kinsmen. Perhaps I might lay my weary head with you for a while and possibly you might bring me some alka seltzer, for I held long counsel last night with the mighty Group of Bowsmen and my brain is a tad tender.”

    “Oh but of course my Prince of Lightness!” replied Britannia with a coy smile, for she was definitely starting to see upon which side her bread was buttered ….

  14. David Murfin
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 9:33 am | Permalink

    You have forgotten the woodcutter, with his axe, who beheaded “Grandma”.

    • Lifelogic
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 11:00 am | Permalink

      Might that have been the BBC perhaps?

  15. agricola
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 9:38 am | Permalink

    It would appear that Cameron has had a flea placed in his ear by the collective voice of the EU. Despite this, like the cuckolded partner, he hangs around claiming the possibility of a reconciliation. In so doing he has become an embarrassment to the nation which quite obviously he despises. At least Neville Chamberlaine could work out when the game was up.

    Even if Cameron got what he is grovelling for, it would be a totally inadequate solution to the UK/EU relationship. There has been absolutely no mention of the sovereignty of Parliament and all that this could resolve with all the other vexed questions of immigration, border control, primacy of English law, fishing rights et al. How much longer do we have to suffer this Cameron generated humiliation.

    • Lifelogic
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 11:09 am | Permalink

      Exactly.

      Nothing, nothing and nothing this renegotiation (and indeed ratter Cameron himself) is a complete and utter joke. Even if we got any worthless concessions on benefits they could and would be overturned a few weeks later under the guise of health and safely, a free market or some other such ruse.

      The others are clearly careering ahead to a single, socialist, greencrap, high tax, sclerotic States of Europe. Get out and hope some others will follow.

    • Timaction
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 7:00 pm | Permalink

      I am actually embarrassed that a British Prime Minister can allow himself and by implication our Nation such public humiliation by the EU and other leaders. He is so weak and is not even trying to get a proper deal or renegotiation. The man should be removed from office but unfortunately the legacies only so self not National interest.
      I know our Nation has been dumbed down but is there anyone out there who believes a word he says?

      • Lifelogic
        Posted December 18, 2015 at 10:50 pm | Permalink

        After his no if no buts, cast iron, at heart a low tax conservative, vote blue go green …. does even he believe a word he says?

  16. bratwurst
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    Except Common always was Mr European Union – our so-called “political class” was either too stupid or too deceitful to recognise this.
    However, at last along came Red Riding’s knight in rusty armour, Mr Cast-Iron, who had many talks with Mr EU and tried to get him to change many things, without much success. However, Mr EU had a magic solution for Mr Cast-Iron which they let him call the ‘British Option’ and pretend he had invented it.
    Red Riding trusted Mr Cast-Iron so she voted for his solution, much to her later regret, as she found she became a third class member of a second rate club with no way out of it. Mr Cast-Iron was pleased because his grand strategy had worked and he was now called Mr Cast-Iron, Leader of the Irrelevant Non-Euro faction until one day it merged with the Euro club and the UK was no more and Mr Cast-Iron’s replacement was an irrelevance in the modern world.

    • Lifelogic
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 1:18 pm | Permalink

      Indeed it was, as P Shore, E Powell, T Benn and a few others tried to make very clear but the public were taken in by the fact that the three main parties, the BBC, academia, some big business interests and the state sector were largely all in favour (just as they are now).

  17. Know-Dice
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 9:52 am | Permalink

    Unfortunately too many of Britannia’s “little helpers” found the relative comfort of grandmother’s house too appealing and those trying to persuade her to leave didn’t speak to her in a language that she fully understood.

    Britannia’s big brother CMD wished to stay in the house and with his friend Gideon who was a expert at playing the numbers game, managed to just put enough doubt in Britannia’s head that she was too scared of the unknown to leave.

    All this was not helped by the little Scottie dog with it’s wagging tail that was guarding the doorway.

  18. Ken Moore
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 9:55 am | Permalink

    Speaking of fairy tales..how is the ‘orchestration’ of David Cameron’s ‘victory’ in his European negotiations going. Mr Redwood I suspect your not fooled by this trickery ?

    • Ken Moore
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 12:51 pm | Permalink

      Today we learn :-

      – The Home Office has lost track of 10,000 asylum-seekers;
      – Ministers confirmed town halls will be allowed to increase council tax by an inflation-busting 4 per cent a year;
      – More than 300 quango chiefs and Whitehall mandarins earn more than the Prime Minister’s
      – Mr Cameron has abandoned a pledge to cut the number of spin doctors;
      – The Muslim Brotherhood group will not be banned in the UK, despite an official report warning it may be a gateway to extremism;
      -Ministers have given approval for controversial fracking operations in 159 new areas.

      Good day to bury bad news then – is anyone in any doubt Cameron IS the ‘heir to Blair’. He learned well from the dark arts of ‘the master’.

      I wonder if those Cameron duped into voting for him feel cheated – perhaps he should have been a bit more honest about his adoration of Mr Blair and New Labour ?.

      • Dame Rita Webb
        Posted December 18, 2015 at 2:55 pm | Permalink

        And before you decide to go off down to the sales and blow your pension consider the following. A couple of weeks a go I wrote about ZIRP creating a potential black swan with regard to the solvency of life insurers and pension funds. Well this week up pops Cass Business School predicting that around 1,000 final salary schemes will have trouble meeting their liabilities. While a significant proportion of that number will need to go to the Pension Protection Fund. Remember the PPF has limits on what it can pay out and that is if it has the wherewithal to do so being that it is mainly funded by a levy on UK pension schemes as a whole.

        http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/80a113e6-9fdf-11e5-beba-5e33e2b79e46.html#axzz3ugSJuCrx

  19. oldtimer
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 10:02 am | Permalink

    But will either ending be happy? The country is divided, as it seems is the Conservative party. The losing side in the referendum is going to be very unhappy. Paper and sticking plaster will not be enough to cover the cracks.

    • alan jutson
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 2:41 pm | Permalink

      oldtimer

      “But will the ending be happy”

      I think you may well be right, the losing side will not be happy at all.

      Lots of recriminations about lies, bending of the truth, hidden facts, rigged votes, etc etc.
      Especially if the vote is very close to stay in.

      If its close to leave, then I guarantee those who did not want to leave will drag their feet about starting the process, by putting all sorts of reasons forward for not an entire withdrawal.

      Such a shame Cameron is asking for so little, simply to give the impression that he has succeeded.
      Duplicity really.

  20. Antisthenes
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 10:03 am | Permalink

    The fairy story has moved to the stage in the form of a pantomime as we have got to the point where Britannia is disagreeing with Mr EU. Britannia is asking to have more control in the house and Mr. EU is saying “oh no you cant” and Britannia is saying “oh yes I can”. A fine performance allowing the actors in the new year and beyond to move to other theatres where farces are to be staged culminating in the last one probably a tragedy in the Greek style. Perhaps a comedy or two with be thrown in so that the audience will miss the fact none of the plays have a happy ending.

  21. a-tracy
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 10:08 am | Permalink

    Problem is Red’s dragging us all along with her weak capitulation. The other problem is John, Red might be quite strong and get all her demands signed up but then different prime advisers come into her life that sign up to all sorts behind her back that she can’t seem to get out of.

  22. Bert Young
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 10:25 am | Permalink

    Britannia was lucky because , just at the right time , her good friend – the woodcutter (who just happened to be passing by ) entered the house and immediately sensed all was not right . He opened the bedroom door and immediately recognised Euro masquerading as a decent woman ; the woodcutter – a forthright and down to earth no-nonsense chap , took Euro by the scruff of his neck , marched him outside and immediately dropped him down the well – never to be heard of again . Britannia was forever grateful ; from that moment on she decided to only do things her way – the way she could always trust ; above all she advised her Grandma to keep her doors locked in future and not be influenced by slippery door salesmen .

  23. Denis Cooper
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 10:29 am | Permalink

    Traditionally a strong woodman came along with his axe and dealt with this dangerous interloper in a brutal and decisive way, but in these modern times Britannia might be reluctant to rely on a man if she could wield the axe herself. Certainly she should not be looking to her grandmother, or any other old woman, to help her sort this out.

  24. Vanessa
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 10:43 am | Permalink

    Not a bad analogy but it just goes to show how weak we are when we are asked to keep increasing our contributions no-one has the guts to say “hang on a minute, this was not what we signed up for – no thank you”
    Considering Britain bailed out the whole of Europe in 2 world wars it is pretty rich that we cannot stand up to them now. Where would they be now had Britain not rescued them?
    Our governments are SO WEAK AND WIMPISH

    • Qubus
      Posted December 18, 2015 at 4:10 pm | Permalink

      Absolutely. It was Germany that created a breakdown of civilisation in WW2. They have since paid generous compensation, but some things cannot be compensated for. Which nation was it that came to the rescue of Europe and was almost bankrupted by that rescue? Not France, Italy, Netherlands Luxembourg, Belgium …. and certainly not Spain, and only belatedly the USA.

      We need to remember that the EU originated as the Steel & Coal Community to essentially prevent France once again being invaded/dominated by Germany. OK, Germany is now a fine example of a democracy, but they still seem to get their own way and act unilaterally when it suits them.
      And now we are being told what we can and cannot do by, until very recently, vassil states of the USSR.
      How quickly the world forgets.

  25. Atlas
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 10:44 am | Permalink

    To keep to the Roman theme, Brittania’s answer should be:

    Exeunt Omnes

  26. Mitchel
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 10:58 am | Permalink

    Angela,Angela,let down your hair so I may climb the golden stair!

    Why do German fairytales always seem to involve witches,malformed creatures and birthrights being surrendered?!

  27. Denis Cooper
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 12:42 pm | Permalink

    Reading the next chapter I find that everybody agrees on what should be done but they all think that it should not actually be done now, instead they agree that it will be done some time in the future when there is an opportunity to do it. And being a trusting person, too trusting, Britannia goes along with that without thinking to ask why it could not be done now, given that everybody says that they are agreed on what should be done.

  28. fedupsoutherner
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 1:19 pm | Permalink

    Jacob Rees-Mog (hope I spelt that right) and Mark Reckless were excellent last night on Question Time. The audience seemed to be half and half on the subject of the EU. The SNP spokeswoman was put right when she tried to say that Scotland wanted to stay in the EU. Reckless told her that instead of the SNP worrying about Westminster they would have to worry about Brussels. She had no answer. Excuse me, but nobody has had a vote in Scotland to say what Scotland wants. As usual the SNP think they talk for everyone in Scotland but never ask us. Many of us can’t wait to exit. John, I hope we all get our fairy tale ending but I’m not holding my breathe. Cameron and co are bound to pull the wool over the public’s eyes and the threat of millions of job losses will be a big decider in all of this if the public choose to believe all the garbage being spouted.

  29. yosarion
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 2:11 pm | Permalink

    So cast Iron Dave has found a pathway to the EUSSR, well gather all your good Europhiles and lead them to the promised land along the serviced tunnel for the Channel Tunnel Dave, and those that wish to stay out of the madhouse need not be bothered by your type again in this Green and Pleasant Land.

  30. Peter Davies
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 3:51 pm | Permalink

    And “Mr Cast Iron no ifs no buts” needs to stop his theatrics by trying to convince little red riding hood that anything that cones back from Mr EU is anything but a token gesture.

    Just hope Mr Brittania sees through all this and gets a fair vote to leave Mr European Union

  31. Mitchel
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 4:01 pm | Permalink

    Off topic,but I see that having got the IMF to helpfully change its rules about lending to a defaulter earlier this week,Ukraine has announced that it will be defaulting on its Russian debt.Well there’s a surprise!I wonder what all the other would be defaulters around the world think.

  32. CHRISTOPHER HOUSTON
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 5:15 pm | Permalink

    Mr Cameron should lead us out of the EU.The wolf is at our door. And Mr Trump is HAVING TO to teach our grandmothers how to suck eggs as Britannia is in denial, poisoned by half if not the whole apple of the Labour Party.

  33. Nigel
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 6:15 pm | Permalink

    JR: Farage and Carswell at each other’s throat. We will never get the right result if we are divided. Time to knock some heads together?

  34. Boudicca
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

    Mr EU is really the Big Bad Wolf in disguise. He’s determined to gobble up Red Riding Hood and take over grandmama’s cottage completely.

    Unfortunately, the Woodman called Cameron, instead of rescuing Red Riding Hood, is on the side of the Big Bad Wolf and will help him trap and eat her.

  35. Anonymous
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 8:29 pm | Permalink

    What is missing from this story is Britannia’s bullying uncle Sam.

    He who contrived that she should meet and be wed to Mr EU, and thereafter all her Prime Ministers – on being elected – taken to a back room and told how things should be by mysterious agents of the dark arts.

    Forget it.

    We are not allowed to leave the EU.

    And if we do we will be punished mercilessly for it.

    The lies, John, the lies. The figures on immigration (revealed via national insurance numbers) are heavily corrupted so that they may not be “unhelpful to negotiations.” You are part of a government that has a main – hidden – policy of supplanting our country’s people as fast as it can.

    Can you not see ?

    So long as such as you are in this party very many people think that the party is still Conservative.

  36. Margaret
    Posted December 18, 2015 at 10:51 pm | Permalink

    Silly bloody fairies. They are all hateful sprites out for what they can get and not what they can give. I am GB whoever they try to bed me with and take a profit out of me in that focticious union.

  37. Alexis
    Posted December 19, 2015 at 12:49 am | Permalink

    Ouch.

    Much too close to the truth for comfort. In fact I think it a near exact analogy, since all manipulators work in the same insidious, pseudo friendly way.

    Until they show their teeth…

  38. Margaret
    Posted December 20, 2015 at 11:01 am | Permalink

    Just listening to the lovely fairy story of Karen Brady , businesswoman and conservative peer. What a gracious woman and how well she gratefully expressed Christmas lunch centring the food as the guest of honour .

  39. Elliot Kane
    Posted December 22, 2015 at 8:37 pm | Permalink

    I always love your Xmas stories, John 🙂 Find them very engaging.

    As for the fairy tale, well, I much prefer the happier ending myself!

  • About John Redwood


    John Redwood won a free place at Kent College, Canterbury, and graduated from Magdalen College Oxford. He is a Distinguished fellow of All Souls, Oxford. A businessman by background, he has set up an investment management business, was both executive and non executive chairman of a quoted industrial PLC, and chaired a manufacturing company with factories in Birmingham, Chicago, India and China. He is the MP for Wokingham, first elected in 1987.

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