A Brexit tale – the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung in the chamber with care,
In hopes that Britannia soon would be there…

The Brexiters were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of free trade deals danced in their heads.
And the angry Remoaners stalked the hallowed hall
Waiting to use Parliamentary procedure to make Brexit fall…

Then along came Queen Theresa, so lively and quick
‘We are leaving the EU’ she said, ‘the referendum will not be unpicked’
With a chariot racing out the Number 10 bunker
‘To Brussels I will go’ she said and ‘take on that Mr Junker’…

Away Queen Theresa went to the court of Brussels,
‘I want a free trade deal’ she said or ‘there will be a tussle’,
She told Mr Junker that ‘if we don’t get the deal that Britain seeks’
‘Tariffs to French wine and German cars will be applied in weeks’…

Mr Junker suddenly balked at the strength of his guest,
He confirmed the EU didn’t want its trade to be depressed.
So Queen Theresa went home a victorious warrior,
Ensuring that trade wouldn’t be subject to a barrier…

Across all the land, loud cheers could be heard,
Once everyone knew that trade barriers hadn’t occurred…
The only people who were silent were the Remoaners at court,
Who wept and cried as they realised they had lost all support…

(I was sent this version of a well known Christmas poem by the contributor, Mr M Larrington.  I now share it with you.)

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39 Comments

  1. Lifelogic
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 6:21 am | Permalink

    Clearly free trade between the EU and UK is in the interests of the EU even more than the UK. But for EU bureaucrats logic and reason so very rarely win out. I hope I am wrong and May does actually deliver but she certainly does not inspire much confidence. Her actions and words so far. have been dire, weak or meaningless.

    HS2 for example is so absurd that no one rational and numerate could think it was a good investment.

    • Hope
      Posted December 23, 2016 at 8:57 am | Permalink

      This is a fairy tale. The reality is that May has the worst record in history on immigration which has affected all public services and had a dramatic affect on our society making us far less safe. She knew when going along with the. Ass immigration plan that she had no control over EU criminals entering our country and were likely to go on to commit further crime. On her record as HS she should have resigned for failing in her primary task of keeping the people of this country safe. She was also aware that Junker in September 2015 wanted more immigration as did Merkel. Our navy was sent to ferry more here! This helped the human traffickers and contributed towards the dingy death traps. Cameron, Osborne led the way despite Osborne’s feigned speech about not listening to the people. All those in the cabinet who went along with it should resign. She also sought to impose gay marriage against the wishes of majority of public. Equality to all yes, interfering with religion, no. There is no hope May will deliver Brexit in its entirety. She is plan B to keep us in as close as possible. She would have changed key civil servant positions if she meant business, not get them to persuade their dim-witted ministers.

    • David Murfin
      Posted December 23, 2016 at 9:17 am | Permalink

      With phase 1 London to Birmingham assessed at some £20billion to build, or around a third of a million per inch, one can only agree with you.

    • getahead
      Posted December 23, 2016 at 7:23 pm | Permalink

      You are banging on (to quote our dear departed recent Prime Minister) again about HS2 Lifelogic. Perhaps you should move on to greener pastures.

      • Lifelogic
        Posted December 24, 2016 at 5:20 am | Permalink

        Well if this government can make such moronic decisions as HS2, Hinkley C, compulsory workers on company boards, gender pay reporting, central wage controls, importing expensive bio fuels, huge subsidies for wind, PV, the climate change act, lagoons, sugar taxes, stamp duty at 15% …… the how can we ever trust them to do anything sensible?

  2. Mark B
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 6:44 am | Permalink

    Good morning.

    Very good, and thank you, Mr. Larrington.

    Now can we have the, Ghosts’ from Christmas (EEC / EC / EU membership) of past, present and future.

    Cheers. 🙂

    • Hope
      Posted December 23, 2016 at 1:57 pm | Permalink

      Christmas past is coming back, Vince Cable’s Spad heading for Downing Street. His core views exactly opposite to that expressed by May publicly. Of course he is for remaining in the EU, more immigration and opposed to tax cuts!

      I think this tells us a lot about the reality of May.

      The terrorist responsible for mass murder shot dead in Italy. This should send a shiver down everyone’s back how porous borders are for countries in the EU. Security my foot. These EU fanatics are placing us in danger with their mass immigration policy coupled with freedom of movement. If Alistair Campbell is for it, you know the opposite is the best policy. I do understand why the likes of him are wheeled out by the leftie media.

      • Lifelogic
        Posted December 24, 2016 at 5:42 am | Permalink

        Allister Cambell, Vince Cable, Soubry, Major, Kinnock x 2, Osborne, Clegg, his wife …… all wrong on almost every issue and proven to be so by events. But still endlessly on the BBC often joined by lefty empty headed people from pop bands, actors or the “Arts”.

        Interviewed by yet more dire PC lefties like Marr, Mason, Kirsty Wark, Emily Maitlis, Evan Davis, O’Brian, the Dimblebys ……

        • Hope
          Posted December 24, 2016 at 8:39 am | Permalink

          The public voted against Clegg and decimated his party, why does the media think we are interested in his left wing pro EU views having no regard to our own country. His latest idea let half prisoners go! That is a deterrent message. Does he realize how many times they have to be caught and convicted before going to Prison! The man is a complete whacko out of touch with public opinion. He would be better off living in Spain with his wife’s family he could have much of the EU as he wished without trying to change our minds. He could also see first hand the damage his beloved EU and Euro, that he advocates, has caused to the country and families. O need to irritate us with his dogma.

  3. Christopher Hudson
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 6:59 am | Permalink

    It would be nice to think that when push comes to shove the EU will do the sensible pragmatic thing and make for a smooth exit. Their conduct thus far maybe doesn’t suggest that. If I were Theresa May I would go in with low expectations, anything above that being a bonus.

    • Andy
      Posted December 23, 2016 at 10:44 am | Permalink

      I agree. I’ve been rather shocked and saddened actually at how hostile the EU and other States have been toward the UK. If they had had any sense whatsoever they would on 24th June have said we regret the decision, but wish the UK well, and the UK has always been different from us, so lets work out a sensible relationship. But they didn’t do this. Rather they were hostile, petty and small minded, and by doing so they do not show strength but chronic weakness. All the Eurosceptics have seen and understood this all too well.

      Mrs May needs to have a fall back position and that should be WTO. When presented with the £50 billion bill I would simply tear it up and get up and leave telling them to telephone when they want to be sensible. The EU is arrogant and a bully (as the Swiss have found out) so need to be faced down and if necessary punished.

  4. Ian Wragg
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 7:50 am | Permalink

    Spot on John.
    I just hope TM is up to speed. There seems a relentless softening up excersise for us to accept some form of Norway option.
    Not at all satisfactory.
    Just to recap.
    No tribute
    Full control of our borders.
    No input from ECJ.
    Freedom not surfdom.
    A very merry brexiteer Christmas.

    • Mike Wilson
      Posted December 23, 2016 at 10:48 am | Permalink

      I’m all for surfdom, which is why I will be moving to Cornwall next year. Serfdom – now that’s another matter.

      Leaving the EU was a nice dream while it lasted. It has faded now and in a couple of years will be a distant memory. I am very much afraid that Brexit means Bremain – we’ll just have even worse terms than we have now.

    • getahead
      Posted December 23, 2016 at 7:25 pm | Permalink

      Well said Ian and you too Mr Larrington.

  5. Duyfken
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 8:09 am | Permalink

    William McGonagall lives!

    Compliments to Mr Larrington and to you JR, and best Christmas wishes.

  6. Alan
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 8:42 am | Permalink

    The Brexiters believe in fairy tales, the Remainers believe in reality.

    Merry Christmas

    • Anonymous
      Posted December 23, 2016 at 11:40 pm | Permalink

      Of course. everything’s going swimmingly in Remain land. The EU’s so staggeringly brilliant that we voted overwhelmingly to stay in it.

      The problem is that Remainers don’t get reality. They won’t accept the referendum result.

  7. oldtimer
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 9:12 am | Permalink

    A nice idea from Mr Larrington to cheer us all up for Xmas. I suspect the reality will be very different not least because any agreement will require the consent of the other member states and the EU Parliament as well as the Commission. If I was today responsible for running a business my working assumption would be a reversion to WTO rules at the end of the negotiating process. No doubt that would result in mutually assured damage for the business community both here and in the EU; but that is what is to be expected once the politicians get stuck in to score points. Any improvement on that outlook would then be a bonus.

    Meantime best Xmas wishes to our host, his readers and posters.

  8. acorn
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 9:46 am | Permalink

    Acorn Equity Partners are proposing a Brexit Christmas investment opportunity, to all small boat owners in north west Europe, particularly vessels that are barely seaworthy but might withstand one final beaching event.

    The UK has 291 inhabited islands with low lying beaches, highly suitable for delivering, a few hundred at a time, illegal immigrants. Nearly half the UK population lives close to the UK coastline, it will be easy for the illegals to melt into the UK’s multi-ethnic population within an hour.

    Massive return on investment guaranteed; European Shipping Agents required urgently. Extensive knowledge of UK Border Force and Coastguard operations would be welcome.

    No paperwork; cash payments only in any currency, except Pounds Sterling. Get ready now, before climate change storms, erode all these islands’ beaches. Terms and Conditions apply. (Text roughly translated on-line from French original.)

  9. Mitchel
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 9:57 am | Permalink

    “….remoaners at court….”

    One of the most joyous observations of the past six months or so has been the possibility that “peak luvvie” may have been reached.

    I hate to think of the size of the therapist bills the poor dears will run up in 2017 coming to terms with the fact that no-one other than the tragically fashionable and terminally gullible cares what they think.

    A Happy Christmas to our host and all contributors – and thanks for making this the most interesting of political blogs.

  10. Tad Davison
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 10:25 am | Permalink

    ………………..and the moaning remainiacs who had put out so many lies and so much misinformation about Britain’s future prosperity if we voted to leave the EU, turned a sickly shade of green when it was discovered that post referendum, the UK had gone from tenth place to fifth place on the Forbes list of all those countries that are deemed best to do business.

    With their credibility destroyed, may these misguided bandwagon jumpers now slither into their holes and wither away, never to be seen again, and not permitted to destroy everything we, the British people, have worked so hard to secure for hundreds of years.

    Merry Christmas everybody!

    Tad Davison

    Cambridge

    • Lifelogic
      Posted December 24, 2016 at 5:27 am | Permalink

      Indeed.

      Their credibility has however been destroyed many times, with the ERM, the EURO, the climate alarmism, CAP, fishing policy……… but they just keep coming back, they cannot it seems be finally buried.

  11. DaveM
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 10:27 am | Permalink

    Slightly OT.

    I recall “security” as being one of the reasons stated by the Remain campaign for staying in the EU. Somehow the most wanted man in Europe made it from Berlin to Milan without being detected. With a firearm. Fantastic for security then.

    • fedupsoutherner
      Posted December 23, 2016 at 10:57 pm | Permalink

      DaveM.

      So did we when we left Spain and drove through France without being stopped. We had 4 shotguns on board!! All legal but nobody knew that. Even got on the euro tunnel into the UK with them without being checked!

  12. Kenneth
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 10:31 am | Permalink

    Very good. The challenge must have been finding a word that rhymed with Junker.

    Merry Christmas to you John and your family and to all reading this!

  13. Antisthenes
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 10:39 am | Permalink

    Junker and his technocrats are not are not beavering away to make Christmas or any other time an happy time. Unlike Santa and his elves their joy is in seeing people miserable. How else can that be as they have showered the malevolence of the euro on many and continuously find ways to heap crisis after crisis on the citizens of the EU. The joy for all Europeans would be to see that a fair deal on trade an cooperation is made withe UK on her exit from the EU.

    However that is not their intent as joy is an anathema to them if it impedes their self interest in any way. That self interest dictates that the EU must retain it’s integrity and it’s purpose and any deviation from that has to be fought rigorously and any malefactors must be punished. Even if the punishment is as harmful to them as it it to those they punish maybe more so.

    It must be so as to deter others, to salve their wounded pride and to prove to themselves and the rest of the EU members that they are infallible and wise. The latter is paramount because if it Brexit leads to the UK being successful then their single market will be exposed as the the sham it is and the EU project will be in jeopardy and will have to be reformed dramatically if it is to survive. With the possibility of them losing the considerable power they currently enjoy.

  14. Dominic Johnson
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 11:31 am | Permalink

    Im a staunch brexiteer, but….

    Europes exports to us will crash with or without tarrifs. We buy german lightbulbs and french wheat because chinese light bulbs and american wheat are outside the wall and subject to import barriers.
    Once those goods are no longer restricted, we wont be buying from europe.

  15. June A. Van Orman
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 11:45 am | Permalink

    Trust not the words of Theresa Maybe
    Seek our her actions, you’ll find the debris.

  16. Anonymous
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 11:55 am | Permalink

    Very good !

    Well done Mr Larrington.

  17. E.S Tablishment
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 12:48 pm | Permalink

    I hope Christmas TV will be showing a repeat of the full Referendum vote-night especially the interviews with pro-EU celebrities who sarcastically said they would take up residence in the Calais jungle rather than stay in a post-Brexit UK.

    Then on New Year’s Eve a repeat of CNN coverage of the Trump election count.

    I shall think of Remoaners and Democrat Party members as I stuff the turkey

  18. Bob
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 12:57 pm | Permalink

    The Remoaners seem to be batting for the other side, and should be kept well clear of the negotiations, or they will spike our guns. Messrs Hammon & Carnage need to be shown the door.

    Will we get a dividend for our share of EU assets when we leave?

    • cornishstu
      Posted December 23, 2016 at 11:26 pm | Permalink

      Exactly, we keep hearing we will have to continue to contribute to this and that but what about the assets we have already contributed to. Just go for a clean break they keep the assets and pick up the liabilites.

  19. Jane Moirhouse
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 1:07 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for that very timely poem.
    Mrs May has to start her negotiating stance wanting the cherry on top of the cake and be prepared to walk away. Until the EU accept this they won’t budge.
    I can’t understand what all the huffing and puffing about the need to know further details is about. The Remain camp seem so confused, afraid, frustrated and angry. They know the details what more do they want.
    I have a sneaky suspicion that Blair and his ilk are miffed that their importance is much reduced and Mrs May, how dare she, a woman, just walk in and be in charge and end up being our very first proper Prime Minister since Ted Heath sold us out. They are losing their grip, can words ever express their absolute fury? I don’t think so.

  20. Jane Moorhouse
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 1:09 pm | Permalink

    By the way A very Merry Christmas to you and a Happy and healthy New Year

  21. turboterrier
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 4:05 pm | Permalink

    Sitting here in dictatorship Scotland battered by Storm Barbara and having to listen to the nonstop rantings of Empress Nicola about doing the best for saving the country, one has to ask the question about are these people real? The facts speak for themselves about exports and imports, the impact of immigration on key services and how the shackles placed upon our country making us non competitive in so many areas where we used to excel.

    Is it a question of genius or stupidity that drives these people on especially when one hears what falls out of their mouths? “The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.~Albert Einstein. Rather apt I think.

    Mother Teresa has not only got to toughen up against the EU but those members of her party and cabinet that cannot be seen to presenting a united front to the country allowing all the remoaners to keep getting media time which is making us look totally in disarray.

    A very merry Christmas and a new year that brings you everything you wish for John to you and all your family. Thanks for all your efforts and hard work.

  22. Sean
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 5:24 pm | Permalink

    May talks the talk but, I’m 99.9% sure she will not walk the walk. She is known to be a turn coat.

    • Lifelogic
      Posted December 24, 2016 at 6:27 am | Permalink

      I am not quite 99.9% sure, but not far off. Nearly all her decisions so far have been appalling. She is not a leader by nature, she is another lefty ditherer and largely invisible too. Where is the vision? Where is the sense of direction? What are people like Rudd, Greg Clark, Greening, Fallon, Green and Javid doing in Cabinet where there are far better & sound people on the back benches.

      So far it is just a continuation of the dire Cameron and Osborne. More of the same tax borrow and piss down the drain, interventionist, pro EU (while pretending not to be) regime.

  23. Clare London
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 7:56 pm | Permalink

    Why don’t we just make a clean break asap. Then announce GB is open to re-confirm most of our existing trade terms with all EU members who wish to renew their current mirror image deals.

    That won’t take long, will it?

    Happy traders all round. Except for envious glances from those trapped within the protectionist EU block as they witness BG reaching out to the wider world as well.

  24. Clare London
    Posted December 23, 2016 at 7:57 pm | Permalink

    Typo: GB, not BG.

  • About John Redwood


    John Redwood won a free place at Kent College, Canterbury, and graduated from Magdalen College Oxford. He is a Distinguished fellow of All Souls, Oxford. A businessman by background, he has set up an investment management business, was both executive and non executive chairman of a quoted industrial PLC, and chaired a manufacturing company with factories in Birmingham, Chicago, India and China. He is the MP for Wokingham, first elected in 1987.

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