On Monday evening Jacob Rees Mogg interviewed me about my latest book, What do boys want? (available on Amazon)
It is part social history, part a personal recollection. I was persuaded to write it as I have much earlier memories of life as a baby and pre school small boy than many I have talked to. I was living in a land of giants, mountaineering to get on one of their chairs, trying to cling on to high up chair cushions to practice walking on two legs.Racing around on all fours was faster and less scary.
I try to recall which boyish characteristics were innate and which reflected the very strong adult view of the time that boys and girls were different and were to be prepared for different roles in life. We were living in the old fashioned Teresa May’s world of boys jobs and girls jobs.
I lived in my own imaginary world when I had learned some language and mastered picture books of how others and animals lived. My soft toy lion was my companion. My dinky cars were exciting as I dreamed of one day driving the real thing. I had a running disagreement with my mother who wished to make clothes and dress my bear as if it was a doll. I got skilled at hiding the clothes. I told her that as the small bear was off white in colour it must be a polar bear. I announced the dark cold cupboard under the stairs was the Arctic so he had to live there. My Mum was not amused.
June 4, 2025
On a more serious note. I think what some boys want, and need, is a Father figure in their lives. Too many of them have no role model to aspire to, and guide them.
I’m aware that this is an old fashioned point of view, and is not always possible, but I believe many of the problems we have today, could be avoided.
June 4, 2025
Indeed plus at school, especially in primary schools, nearly all the teachers are female too.
Girls and boys or men and women are (on average) very different indeed. They read different books, play with different toys, use different websites, play different games, read different subjects… Further Maths and Physics A levels are circa 80% male, languages circa 70% female these are choices they make. Evidence suggests that countries where they have more free choice then they are even more likely to choose in this direction.
I can remember at Cambridge happily chatting to girls and often they would ask what subject I was reading if I said truthfully Maths & Physics they often wandered off. It was far better to say Social Anthropology or something. I could bluff my way in that unlike modern languages, history, classics or history of art.
At Cambridge only rather few women three or four I think have ever come top in the maths tripos.
https://www.thecambridgestudent.co.uk/news/the-gender-gap-in-stem-tripos-performance.
Note also that university entrance is now about 43% men and 57% women. More men have perhaps decided they would rather get a job and learn on the job. Perhaps a manual jobs like electrician, roofer, engineer, plumber… than get into £60k of debt and loss of three years wages plus interest for a worthless degree in social sciences or grievance studies!
June 4, 2025
Cheshire girl
You’re quite correct but the government shares a large part in the failure to nurture boys by feminising the school curriculum and everyone must win attitude.
Boys are natural hunter gatherers but this in Britain had been bred out of them by successive governments.
If we ever go to war, the biggest enemy will be the armchair lawyers waiting to prosecute our military for protecting our shores.
June 4, 2025
Indeed even drugging them up to “calm” them down.
June 4, 2025
The point of JR’s book is in fact that at an amazingly early age he understood that he was not destined to be like his mother. He was temporarily in a ‘woman’s’ world’ and observed it as a visitor would. He was shocked that this woman wanted to dress his bear. He wanted the bear to live where it was born to live – the Arctic, he thought that was kind and that dressing it was cruel.
Of course his father was present less because he was away working all day. I’m sure once John learned to walk and could follow – that’s what he did. He knew that he would become like his Dad, a man.
Because he could remember his eyes hurting in his pram and the relief when they put up the hood to block the sun, he must have been a wonderful father. He can’t have treated children like incomprehending sacks of corn, as he knew they were listening, learning, remembering.
Adults who remember being children should speak out because the children themselves don’t have the means to express themselves.
Perhaps I should write a pamphlet entitled ‘What girls want’. Primarily to look after something – to feed it. I could see no point pretending to feed a doll when I could actually feed the dog.
June 4, 2025
as the song goes ‘girls just want to have fun’.
A single made famous in 1983–1984 by the American singer-songwriter Cyndi Lauper, written by Robert Hazard in 1979.
An element of truth I’d say…..but boys want to excel at ‘something’ brains, fighting, driving, DIY, making things….
June 4, 2025
Ah – so that ‘famous’ song was written by a man?
Girls have a very strong instinct to nurture the next generation. JR’s mother made clothes for his bears! I bet JR was himself properly turned out each day and slept between clean sheets. Her instinct was to nurture above all else – even the toys.
As a child I ‘practised’ on dogs and ponies. Spent hours grooming, plaiting, polishing, schooling, mucking out the ponies accompanied by the dogs.
I suppose that was fun. So maybe you are right. But I also did nasty things to care for said animals, because they needed it. Walked a pony for 24 hours to counter colic etc. Slept in the stable with a horse who had got cast (stuck against the wall while rolling) and was afraid – and I’m afraid of mice. But his need was my priority.
The point was that I was not top of my priority list. That is the really healthy result.
June 4, 2025
I did know someone with a boy and girl (twins). They decided to try to bring them up the same and bought them each a construction toy which had plastic spanners. The young girl wrapped all the spanner family in tissues and put them all to bed. On average, the two sexes are rather different, same in the animal kingdoms too. Such is evolution like or not.
June 4, 2025
I like. Girls want to nurture. It must be encouraged. Give them a pony said Churchill. Don’t let them sit in their bedroom gazing into the mirror and dreaming of applause.
June 4, 2025
LL totally agree!
I know two boy twins and a sister close in age! The boys used to stack their sister’s dolls etc on to her dolls pram, upside down, nude… it was their airport trolley, to go on a plane and go mountaineering!
Barbie dolls made good make-shift aeroplanes.
Of course boys and girls are different!
June 4, 2025
What a very different world most of us here were raised in. I hope and fear that most of the woke social changes of the last ten years will be undone. Hope, because they are part of the globalist tyrannical project; fear, because it might be an islamist regime that undoes them.
God preserve our children and grandchildren.
June 4, 2025
Children should be seen and not heard!
When did all that change?
June 4, 2025
The police are agitating for more money, threatening that if Home Office funding is cut they will be unable to catch criminals or control the streets
The most recent crime figures – from 2023 – show that our boys in blue managed to solve less than 4% of all reported crimes. Which means that 96% of criminals got away with it. Why is this? Apparently, on any one day 40% of them are WFH, doing their paperwork, trawling through the nation’s bank accounts looking for folk with too much money and instead of policing the streets, they are policing tweets looking for non-crime hate incidents
In 2023 the highest rate of burglaries in Berkshire, from January 2023 to February 2024, was Reading – with a substantial total of 993 burglaries and a burglary rate of 57.00 per 10,000 residents.
Slough emerges as another hotspot, with 715 burglaries and a burglary rate of 45.11 per 10,000 residents, highlighting a significant risk of burglary in this area.
Windsor and Maidenhead experience 587 burglaries, with a burglary rate of 38.24 per 10,000 residents, while West Berkshire follows closely with 559 burglaries and a burglary rate of 34.63 per 10,000 residents.
For the whole of Berkshire the burglary clear up rate in 2023 was 23 burglars caught ( ~0.76% source; Reading Chronicle) Maybe they should call in consultants and get some training in time management.
June 4, 2025
So if we double their budget they hope to clear up 8% of crimes? (Assuming the number of crimes does not increase). Sounds good to me.
Why don’t we just get the police to stand at the border and nab the illegals, they can arrest 1,200 or so a day in good weather. That will increase their clear up rate.
June 4, 2025
and of the 23 caught I’d like to know the range of sentencing? Were any locked up? Laughable community ‘work’?
The terrible threat of having to listen to victims’ letters of the anxiety and mental health damage done to those on the receiving end? Was confication via bailiffs employed, cars, goods, bank sums taken to try to recompense?
Of course the Arab threat of fingers removed is not considered in UK.
My guess would be ‘none of the above’.
June 4, 2025
Mrs Gold has set me a number of tasks in the garden this morning, as Old Jim our gardener is moving. One of which is to dispose of a dead rat. Our young black cat Swarzenegger is probably responsible. Last week he deposited another large rat outside the greenhouse where I could trip over it. Once I had picked myself up, I noticed him up the garden with an evil grin on his face….
I have never much liked dead rats since my schooldays. Johnny Smith, the local ratcatchers’ son, used to sell dead rats to the boys at sixpence each, so they could fling them round in the Religious Education lesson, or Chemistry. One day I was innocently chiselling a hole through my desk when I was unexpectedly struck on the side of the head by one of his rats. There was nothing else I could do, but look for a boy who was asleep on the other side of the class and fling the rat back
June 4, 2025
Nic story SG. You have a gardener, you must be a liebour supporter.
June 4, 2025
HILARIOUS.
June 4, 2025
Proof if it were needed that boys will be boys.
June 4, 2025
At least live rats run away. Dead rats … well we are terrified of rats and mice (and flies) because they bring disease. It’s cell memory.
June 4, 2025
A female neighbour, a few years ago and 2 houses ago, opened her front door to see a dead bird immediately there.
Couldn’t go out, called my wife to see if she could move it…. No!
Wait for me to return from work that evening.
Sad but true.
June 5, 2025
I attended an all boys junior school where all the teachers were women. The headmistress was a sour old biddy who segregated boys to the ‘growlers’ section after a brief singing test. We were put in an alcove at the side during morning prayers. My friend lived on a farm and had shot an adder which he had brought to school. While those who were allowed were singing, he was swinging the dead snake around by its tail. Later we had natural history, taught by a rather nervous older lady. We had desks with a lift up lid and my friend had put his dead snake inside. He lifted the lid a little and Miss spotted him. “What are you hiding in there?” she asked. As she came close he pulled out his specimen and held it close to her face. She left the classroom quickly and never came back.
June 5, 2025
I don’t like “dead things” … and I don’t like dealing with them. (I will if I HAVE to). I especially don’t like rats.
When my sons were growing up I allocated that job to my younger son, who didn’t mind doing it. He’d get a spade from the shed and deposit the body in the area of rough ground between the end of our (very long) garden and the equally long one we backed on to. And then he’d proudly come and tell me “job done, Mummy.”
I can’t imagine a daughter doing that.
In general, girls like to nurture their loved ones. Boys like to protect them.
Several decades of Establishment policy has been to destroy girls’ desire to nurture their families and boys’ desire to protect them.
June 4, 2025
Boys require to be challenged mentally and physically, beyond their own perception of what they are capable of. Initially this should come from fathers and teachers, but between the age of 16 and 20 they would benefit greatly from the original Outward Bound course of 26 days or the more extended Duke of Edinburgh’s scheme.
It derived from a pre WW2 german scheme created by Kurt Hahn. Adopted by the British during WW2 to toughen the mental and physical resiliance of young sailors in the Merchant Navy. After being torpedoed it was found that the young were less likely to survive the experience than their older colleagues.
In the early and late 50s I experienced the course at two of the schemes mountain schools, first as a pupil and later as an instructor for two years. Instructors largely came from ex members of the sharper end of our military but not exclusively. The escence of the course was to put young men in situations of mental and physical challenge, way beyond any perception of what they thought they were capable of. It was achieved through instruction and leadership, just short of killing anyone or causing minimal injury. The key was the instructors leadership. Quite frankly, I learnt far more about leadership as an instructor than ever I experienced in the military at the time.
The 26 day course was a cumulative experience leading to a four man four day challenge of, as far as they knew, unsupervised treck in the mountains of Cumbria. The realisation of the pupils at the end of it was that they had achieved goals way beyond their perception on day one. The lesson was, take that sense of the possible to your subsequent life of challenges and apply it. That is what young men and women need and the country would benefit from. Currently they need a wholly different country to return to after the 26 day experience.
I will now read what you have to say on the subject. Incidentally, but not exclusively, some of our best pupils came from Eton and Borstal.
June 4, 2025
Adendum.
Having now read your piece, much of which I can relate to.. From that time at OBMS I can confirm that boys and girls are different.
Boys are physically stronger, but girls are mentally tougher and less complaining. They require different leadership approaches to pursuade them to push themselves beyond the point of self perception.
June 4, 2025
Boys and girls are different. They have different interests and different outlooks, not least attitude to risk and competition.
Those who would deny this miss the point of life, much like the socialists that wish to redistribute wealth.
Life is to be lived, experienced and triumphed over, lest you miss out.
June 4, 2025
….and we could play outside until late in the evening without a problem … at least until the time my concerned parents contacted the police because I was out “too” late. The police found me me and gave me a lift home.
There was no social media so no one found out what we were up to.
June 4, 2025
Very good, no frills memoir. I was struck by the young boy’s desire for independence and to be more grown up. I remember feeling the same but now once we reach our twenties many seem to live in nerverland. Maybe its because house prices are high or taxes punitive. Many of my contemporaries would rather travel the world than take on a mortgage and I feel somewhat the same.
June 4, 2025
It has always been difficult to buy a house. Always. You have to knuckle down and not fritter your money (house) away.
June 5, 2025
Indeed, in the eighties it was roughly 3.5 times the average annual salary, and an averaged sized family house could be had with a 15 years mortgage without asking ‘Mom’s and Dad’s bank’ to pay for the deposit.
Please tell me if this still is the case in 2025.
Propertyinvestmentproject.co.uk ‘UK house prices, graph & data (from 1952-2024)’
nationwidehousepriceindex.co.uk 2025
Reply And mortgage rates were considerably higher so homes were still a dear item
June 5, 2025
I did a quick search on Britain’s second biggest city and there are currently 2200 homes on sale at under £200,000.
June 6, 2025
No problem with that, buying a house has always been a major purchase.
Sam, Which with the median salary at £ 37.5k makes it 200 / 37.5 = 5.3 usually paid with a 20 or 25-year mortgage. So what is your point?
forbes.com 21/05/2025 ‘Average UK salary by age in 2025’.
June 4, 2025
I trust I am correct in my surmize, based on your successes in later life, that you did receive counselling and compensation for the treatment of your polar bear?
June 4, 2025
In a short summary boys sort out differences with a punch or two, then all forgotten.
Girls who are concerned with the social graces, hold and develop animosity which can grow into serious consequences lasting a lifetime.
June 5, 2025
‘I remember it well’ the song from Gigi, written by Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe 1958.
Starring Maurice Chevalier and Hermione Gingold.
The song demonstrates the vague (unimportant?) recall of events by the male, corrected by the female for which the detail was retained.
June 4, 2025
I’m pleased that you are writing books of memories; too many people don’t bother until it’s too late to share their family history and recollections. Sadly, I fear we have blurred the lines so that boys today are feminised in the schools too much. So much so I think Starmer will have a task trying to persuade them into National Service which seems to be Rishi’s plan being faithfully followed.
June 4, 2025
The thing I remember most, as a boy, was how important Self Determination is, not just rebellion, but learning about things I was interested in, and ignoring many others, like Religion! Examples include Explosives because they were useful, being brought up in a Scrap Yard, demolishing Power Stations and Ships! The Engineering of Guns, and Shooting, was of interest, not to shoot anything, but because of the Science (Ballistics) required to use them properly! Try shoot at long ranges, you’ll have a shock how much you will need to understand! Britain is culturally ignorant of such things (the Lies about Guns, and Crime) , but go to Finland, and such places, where they teach all youngsters the importance of weapons (and other things), and how/when to use them properly! Having a Standing Army of 900K at any one time! But, the young are equipped to join the fight at any time! And generally are willing, and happy, to fight! Generally, because they know how important the defence of their country is, the country that is looking after them!
I would not fight for this country, and would not accept Conscription! Why; The restrictions, and lack of Freedoms, that are imposed, the Poverty many of it’s People live in (High cost to Live), and how poor it’s Politics is, not being a mechanism for change, with any improvement and opportunity for any one, accept the Rich! We are still an Elitist or Class based society (with idiots like KC having too much influence), with the Asset rich looking after number one!
You fight if you want too, I won’t! be And, will be arguing against the dilution of the Professional Military we have now, upon which we need to build! Conscription is an old answer from ‘Silly old men fighting silly old wars’, with today’s war’s being Technology/Intelligence based, and will require highly skilled, and trained, service personnel! Not People that are being forced to service, all just before the war starts! It wouldn’t be about a flat cultural (as in the Nordic country’s), trying to equip all for life!
There are People from the eighties that have not recovered from the (needed) de-industrialisation, not being able to buy houses, build up savings, or feel there is any point to it, especially the Men being left behind from closing down most of the Steel Works, and many other industry’s! And, with Welsh Labour being in Power, so, what is the point?