The Humpty Dumpty government in waiting thought a lot of themselves .They were after all all good eggs. In these environmental days they were well to the free range end of the spectrum. Some had made good livings as lawyers or charity executives or trade union officials . It made them very careful to tell others to obey the law and very willing to call out those who did not.
The leader of the party particularly liked international law. He could fly away to so many interesting places. He could meet lots of important people who all thought like him. It was so much more agreeable than trying to explain to the ordinary people why net zero mattered or how we needed to invite in so many migrants to meet our international law duties
Once upon a time people told a successful public sector lawyer he could become Prime Minister. He was flattered but had his doubts. It would mean he might lose his very good public sector lawyer pension. They said they could fix that for him. He could even go on and get a big PM pension and lifetime allowances as well. They pointed out he could do more international conferences and be free to travel in his own special jet. So he decided to have a go.
He got himself elected to Parliament and got into the Shadow Cabinet of a left wing leader who lost the election.So he pitched to become Leader, saying he was different and more moderate which is what electors wanted. He also made sure he was left wing enough to win, which he duly did.
Then he had a piece of luck. The government he opposed first locked down the whole country stopping many working to deal with a pandemic. He backed that and wanted longer lockdowns. Unfortunately it was doing lots of economic damage, where the public naturally blamed the government. Then the Bank printed lots of money and gave the country a big inflation which was very unpopular. He blamed the governing politicians and avoided saying how he might have stopped the Bank doing what they called Quantitative easing. He posed as the safe alternative. He got all the way to the election promising little other than a general message he would change things for the better. He won a huge majority.
His supporters put the whole Humpty Dumpty government up on a tall wall to see all the admiring electors. They felt a bit nervous up there but realised they did now need to be on display.
The Humpty Dumpty government sat on a Great Wall of indecision. They had been good at complaining about everything in Opposition and blaming anything bad on the government. They now had to ask themselves the difficult question.
What shall we do, now we have so much power?
The Home Secretary, the Chancellor, the Health Secretary, the Deputy Prime Minister and the Foreign Secretary in the Humpty Dumpty government told the Prime Minister they should keep promising all would be improved.
They had been elected by all too few people but enjoyed a huge majority because people so wanted change. Voters were fed up with so many migrants coming to the country so they promised to crush the people smugglers.
Electors were angry at the inflation which had put up prices and made them worse off. So they pledged to transform the U.K. into the fastest growing of all the major economies.
People were cross that when they needed to see a doctor or get medical treatment there were so many delays and so much difficulty in arranging an appointment. They said they would mend the broken health service.
Young people were frustrated that homes were so dear so many could not afford to buy one. They told people they would change planning rules and build lots more houses.
Many were annoyed that when it came to giving out help the government seemed to give priority to giving things away to foreigners. The government wrapped themselves in the Union Jack and said they were proud of the U.K . .
The government embarked on its first few months telling the public everything was broken, but failing to say how they were fixing it. Soon they heard some critical voices raised against them.
Five months into the government the people were very angry . The number of illegal migrants coming by small boats had gone up. The Chancellor’s unexpected tax rises had slashed growth and led to a loss of jobs and cancelled investments. Pensioners and small businesses had to pay for all the giveaways to others. The NHS received a lot more money but there were still very long waits. Mortgages to buy a home started going up again whilst no more homes were built. The U.K. kept giving more away to foreigners, giving away the Chagos islands and promising a lot more money to foreign countries to help them with net zero costs.
The Prime Minister had been all round the world giving things away to countries that did not like us and trying to be closer friends with Europe and with the UN. As he sat with the Cabinet on the wall and looked down he could see people pointing to them to get off the wall. So he called a Council of his key Cabinet Ministers to think through what to do.
Well said the Home Secretary we need to press on with our plans to slash illegal migrant numbers. We can speed up consideration of their cases once they have got here and find most of them deserve to stay. That way we can get them out of special hotels and let them find other accommodation. We can make it easier to come here legally. We can stage a few successes in prosecuting people smugglers but we need to show how this a Europe wide problem with illegal entry to the EU before they come to us.
The Chancellor said she had to put up taxes a lot to pay for all the public sector workers pay awards the party supported. She would carry on blaming the last government for not leaving enough money behind. She was cross that so many businesses were refusing to invest and hire more people when she had told them to do so. The Bank and Treasury had not told her borrowing more would put up mortgage rates.
The Health Secretary reported that the NHS was broken. He was asking patients and voters how to fix it. You couldn’t blame him. It would take a long time to mend.
The Deputy Prime Minister reported she had told the Councils to grant more planning permissions. It wasn’t her fault that the Chancellors budget had put up mortgage rates.
The Foreign Secretary said it was most important the U.K. agreed with foreign country views of international law and paid all our bills. It was right to increase net zero payments and right to pay to lease back an island we had given away.
The Prime Minister thought that all made a lot of sense so he decided the problem must be the people. He had had to be very firm at the beginning and told the courts to crack down hard on right wing protesters complaining about too much illegal migration. It was clear too few people understood the perfect way he was handling impossible problems inherited from the past against a very unsettled world background. He would continue to take an international lawyers view of what to do.
Meanwhile growth collapsed, inflation started to rise again, the government was way short of its housing and NHS waiting list targets and people were demanding a new early election. The Humpty Dumpty government felt very alone, very exposed and very vulnerable. Would anyone succeed in pulling them down?
There are two endings to this story. In the happy one the Humpty Dumpty government remembered the old nursery rhyme, listened to the public and won back support by doing what the public wanted. That was something special, a government that did what people wanted. They were delighted to hear the cheers as the people came to like their government on the wall.
The other ending saw the government double down on what they were doing.
They strengthened their attacks on their critics and told people it would all take a long time to put right. That made sitting on the wall a very uncomfortable experience. What do you think happens? Did the government fall and did its leading characters rush away from the problems to write their memoirs and earn their speaking fees?
This is a democratic forum, so you will decided the ending in the light of what the government does next.